Diamond in the rough
by aleandros137
Summary: Riffraff? Streetrat? Naruto didn't buy that. He'd been raised in the orphanage his entire life, and had worked his fingers to the bone. One wouldn't think that cooking, cleaning, and catering to the whims of children could ever make an effective ninja, but Naruto would prove them wrong. Like he always did.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey, guys! To any of my old readers who're checking this out, I'm sorry for not updating. I've been going through writer's block for the past few months, and I kind of feel like I might have to reboot some of my other series in order to make it work. Nothing's for sure, so don't panic yet, but if you see an update one day, and the chapter reads Author's note then I'm probably rebooting it... again.**

 **On the other hand, this story is one I've been excited about. I've been meaning to get this started for a long time, but I wanted to wait and see what canon would throw at me before I started... Kaguya certainly came out of nowhere. I've probably ranted enough about that to all of my other friends, so let's just get on with the story.**

 **Diamond in the rough- Chapter 1**

Naruto yawned, stretching his arms up into the sky. He blinked for a moment, getting his eyes used to the morning light...

Wait, morning? Naruto glanced at his alarm clock.

5:12 AM

"Shit," Naruto jumped out of his bed, and ran around the room like a yellow flash(*wink*wink*), "Shit shit shit shit shit! I'm late!"

He brushed his teeth with one hand, and with the other he dressed himself up. A daunting task for most people, but Naruto was used to multitasking. Foam was oozing down the side of his mouth, but Naruto was too busy to care. He flew down the steps of the orphanage, and jumped into the kitchen. His sandals skidding against the wooden floor.

The head matron turned around, her steely grey eyes as sharp as ever, "You're late"

"I know, I know. My alarm didn't go off" Naruto said, as he tied an apron around his waist.

She raised her beak-like nose at him, "Hmph, excuses. Get to work already"

Naruto muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," He called out.

"Good"

The head matron walked out of the kitchen and her footsteps started to sound weaker and weaker until they were entirely gone. Naruto perked his ears up and paused, but there was nothing to be heard.

"Bitch"

He heard someone behind him sigh, "You really shouldn't call her that, Naruto"

"What? It's true!"

Tanaka tied his long brown hair into a ponytail, "She's stressed enough trying to keep the orphanage afloat. Let's not try to make her job any harder, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Naruto mumbled.

Tanaka sighed, "Let's just get to work, alright? The younger kids are gonna wake up soon"

Naruto fastened the knot on his back, "What do we have left in stock?"

Tanaka rubbed his chin, and with the apron on he looked especially girly today. His body was slender, and his skin was like a porcelain doll's. So many guys tried to hit on him everyday that he barely even bothered to correct them anymore.

"We're low on meat like always, so let's just fry up some eggs and vegetables for today"

Naruto nodded, and pulled his knife out with a satisfying _shiiing._ It gleamed under the light of the rising sun. Naruto took a moment to admire it. He'd bought it himself with the allowance he'd saved up. Kunai and Shuriken were easy to get from the Academy, and once he became a ninja, he'd have enough money to buy his own, but a good cooking knife?

Naruto grinned, eyeing it from top to to bottom. Good cooking knives were priceless.

Tanaka gave him a strange look, "You look like some sort of serial killer when you do that, you know?"

"Shut up," Naruto said, "You're gonna hurt Yaiba's feelings"

"...You gave it a name?"

Naruto glared at him, "It is a _she_ , and _she_ would like to be addressed as such"

Tanaka sighed, "Whatever, let's just start cooking"

Naruto caressed his knife, "Don't worry about it, Yaiba. That blockhead just doesn't know beauty when he sees it"

Naruto began chopping up the vegetables.

Usually, it was up to the oldest kids to prepare the food, but there had been an unusually high number of parents who wanted to adopt older kids in the past few years, so he and Tanaka were pretty much the only ones left. Urushi-nii would come back every now and then to leave some money behind, but former residents like him were few.

Naruto didn't blame them. It was hard enough to make a living as a ninja without some sort of fancy clan background, and the ones that went into civilian work probably had enough problems on their own.

In a dog eat dog world, you had to look out for yourself. Naruto's knife hit the chopping board with a resounding _thud._

He wiped his hands on his apron, "Hey, Tanaka, I'm gonna get some water from the fridge, you want some?"

"Wait, don't!" Tanaka scrambled to block his path, "I'll get it for you. Just stay here"

"Why?"

Tanaka avoided his gaze, "Because uh, I need the exercise! Yeah! The ladies don't like big bellies on their men, you know?"

Naruto quirked an eyebrow. Tanaka was sweating all over the place. He was definitely hiding something, and not very well either. Naruto knew this because of three reasons.

One, the fridge was like ten feet away; he was pretty sure that that didn't count as exercise.

Two, Tanaka was so thin he could wear girl's clothes without any problem. He'd seen it himself when some of the younger girls played dress up.

Three, Naruto was pretty sure that Tanaka was gay. Sure, the guy hadn't exactly said it, but judging from the looks he'd given the other men at the baths, and the nosebleed he'd get from the 'heat' Naruto was confident that his friend wasn't interested in the fairer sex.

Which meant he was lying. Naruto just didn't know why.

"Fine," Naruto said.

"W-What?"

"I said, fine. You can get my water from me"

Tanaka's face morphed into such pure relief that Naruto was almost sorry he had to take it away...

"Not"

Naruto made a handsign before seemingly disappearing into thin air. Tanaka whirled around to stop him, but it was already too late.

"Wait, don't!"

Naruto ignored him, and swung the fridge door open to find...

"Hey, Tanaka," Naruto said, "What's this?"

Tanaka was digging his toe into the floor, "What's what?"

"This," Naruto pulled out a simple chocolate cake from the fridge with orange frosting on top that read, 'Congratulations!'

Naruto gave his friend a searching look, "Who's this for?"

Tanaka played with his ponytail, "It was supposed to be a surprise. The other kids knew that today was your graduation test, and they wanted to do something to celebrate," Tanaka chuckled, "You should've seen them. It was adorable. They pooled all their money together from their savings and were planning to surprise you when you came back this afternoon, but... I guess it's not a surprise now, is it?"

Naruto was too dazed to even respond. The kids had done all this... for him. Takeshi, Takumi, Ryo, Hajime, Raku, Kaizaki, and all the other little ones had saved up their money and bought a cake for him.

"Look, I sort of forgot to hide it from you today, and if the kids know I ruined their surprise party they'll kill me, so can you just act surpris- Hey, are you crying?"

"No!" Naruto rubbed at his eyes, "The little brats must've picked out something that I'm allergic to"

Naruto sniffed, placing it back in the fridge while Tanaka looked on, trying to keep himself from laughing.

"Seriously," Naruto gave the cake one last look, "They can't do anything right"

Naruto came back, and started chopping the onions while tears continued falling down his cheeks. Tanaka found all this hilarious, of course, the smug little bastard wouldn't find it so funny later tonight when there was hot sauce all over his toothbrush.

Tanaka smiled as Naruto tried to focus on happier things, but that smile slowly slipped off.

"So what are you going to do?"

Naruto stopped his chopping to look at him, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, when you graduate are you gonna stay behind or get your own place?" Tanaka said, "I mean, it's your choice and all, but the kids are gonna miss you, and it'll be hard to take care of this place by myself"

Naruto looked down at his knife, "To be honest? I don't know," Naruto said, "I mean, I've been dreaming of leaving this place for years, and just making it on my own out there, but..." Naruto smirked, "I can't trust you to keep things running by yourself, now can I?"

Tanaka grinned, "So you're staying?"

"Well, not exactly"

Tanaka's face fell, "Oh"

"Don't get me wrong, I'll still visit all the time, but the Hokage's had an apartment lined up for me just in case I ever wanted it, and..." Naruto forced a smile on his face, "I can't stay here forever, you know?"

Tanaka smiled back, nodding, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Your ego always was too big for this little place"

"Hey!"

"Just... promise me one thing" Tanaka said, looking him straight in the eye.

Naruto nodded.

"No matter where you go, or what you become in the future," Tanaka smiled at him, "Never forget us, alright?"

Naruto snorted, "As if you guys would ever let me forget"

Naruto couldn't help the corners of his lips from rising and stretching out into a smile.

* * *

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

"Dammit, Naruto! Can you stop hitting your head on the table!? I can't focus!"

Naruto turned his head to glare at her before hitting it extra hard.

 _THUD!_

"Fine!" Sakura stood up, nose turned towards the air, "I'll sit next to Sasuke-kun then"

"Good luck," Naruto said before mumbling under his breath, "And good riddance"

Naruto still couldn't believe it. He'd failed... again. For the third time.

He groaned. And after all that big talk he'd said this morning too. How was he supposed to face Tanaka and the others without a forehead protector to show them? They'd even bought him a cake and everything.

"Stop it," Sasuke said from the row behind him, "You're gonna lose whatever brain cells you have left"

Naruto glared at him, "Fuck you!"

"Oh, please," Sasuke smirked, "After you"

Naruto jumped up on his table, grabbing Sasuke by the collar, "You want to take this outside, bastard?"

Sasuke didn't even seem slightly bothered, "I don't want to hear that from someone who couldn't even manage to graduate"

Naruto growled.

Sasuke snarled.

Naruto felt someone push him from behind.

Sasuke paled.

Both of them screamed soon after.

* * *

Naruto stood in front of the orphanage entrance. Might as well get it over with. He prepared himself for the worst. His hands clasped around the door handle, and he pulled it open with one mighty heave.

"Congratulations! Naruto-niichan!" He heard a chorus of young voices shout.

Naruto slowly peeked out of one eye before both of them widened in amazement. There was a banner hanging from the ceiling that had congratulations written on it in big bold red.

Dinner was already set up with a big piping hot bowl of Ichiraku ramen laid out at his regular table while the twins, Takeshi and Takumi, held up the cake from this morning.

Megumi, a seven year old little girl with purple hair braided into pigtails smiled at him, "You like it, Naruto-nii?"

"I... don't even know what to say"

You don't have to say anything," Tanaka called out, "Just show us the new forehead protector!"

Naruto felt his breath hitch. All of the kids were looking at him, and had even prepared all of this. Naruto hated having to give them the bad news, but... he knew he had to.

Naruto steeled himself, and told them that he'd failed. They seemed disappointed, but they didn't seem mad. They still gave him the ramen and the cake, and everyone went to sleep that night already starting to forget the day's events... Or at least that's what Naruto wished had happened.

"I'm sorry guys, but..." Naruto looked at the banner, "I wasn't able to..." Naruto looked at all of their smiling faces, "... bring it with me because I'm still getting it shined!"

"That's okay, Naruto-nii!" Megumi said, "You can show it to us tomorrow!"

"Yeah, sure," Naruto said, smiling as he ruffled her hair, "Tomorrow"

"But for now," Naruto turned towards all the kids, "Let's celebrate!"

The kids cheered as Naruto wondered just what the fuck he'd gotten himself into.

* * *

Naruto sat out on the roof of the orphanage watching the sky. Sometimes when he needed to think or he'd had a particularly bad day then he'd come out here, and just watch the stars for a while. He knew the constellations by heart.

The Tree of Hashirama.

The Sage's Staff.

The Uchiha fan.

He wondered if he would have a constellation named after him one day. What would they call it? The liar's cake, maybe?

"You didn't graduate, did you?"

Naruto turned around, and saw Tanaka climbing out of the window. His

Naruto smiled thinly, "So you figured it out, huh?"

Tanaka shrugged, sitting down beside him, "It wasn't too hard. You left the table after finishing only three bowls of Ramen; it wasn't that hard to figure out"

Naruto stayed quiet for a long time.

"What are you gonna tell the kids?"

Naruto huffed, "I don't know, man. I don't even know why I did it. I just didn't want to... disappoint them, you know?"

"Yeah," Tanaka nodded, "I know"

Naruto dug his nails into the roof, "You think I should tell them?"

Tanaka shrugged, "It would probably hurt more if you don't. They're gonna find out eventually, you know?"

"Yeah," Naruto lied down on the roof, and closed his eyes, "I know"

Tanaka stood up, brushing the dust off his pants, "I'm going to sleep, you probably should too. We both have a long day tomorrow"

Naruto didn't say anything until he heard the window close. Naruto didn't like lying to them... but he also didn't want them to know he'd failed the test again, so what should he do?

Naruto furrowed his brows.

What did Mizuki-sensei say about a special test, again?

* * *

 **AN: So that's the first chapter of Diamond in the Rough. I always found it interesting to see what would happen if Naruto ever did stay at the orphanage, and you know, the only reason he'd ever stay was if he had any friends there. I'm planning to make this a more regular series for me, and am probably gonna update about once every two weeks or so? That's the plan anyway, but heaven knows I'm not good at those, so if you wanna find out how the current chapter's going then just PM me.**

 **I'm not sure if this idea's been done before, and if it has then please tell me in the comments because I don't want to unintentionally end up copying something from the other story.**

 **If you like it or if you have any suggestions then feel free to post those too, but until then...**

 **Review, favourite, and follow- Aleandros137**


	2. Ta Na Ka!

**AN: Wow, I was not expecting me to be able to bring out a chapter this fast. To those who read the first chapter, I kind of changed up Tanaka's appearance. You can reread the first if you want, but you'll find out later in this one too.**

 **Diamond in the Rough- Chapter 2**

Tanaka paced back and forth across the room, nibbling at his thumb. He glanced at the clock.

6:27 am.

He bit his lip. Where had Naruto gone? The other kids had already finished eating, and still the blonde was nowhere to be found. Naruto wasn't the type to run away from his problems. Stall? Sure, but he never ran away from them.

"Has the boy returned, yet?"

Tanaka turned around to see the head matron. She walked with a stiff stride, and scowled at the doorway.

"No," Tanaka said, "But he will soon, just wait!"

The head matron snorted, "If he's not back by noon then he shouldn't bother coming back at all"

"Well, it's good that I'm here then"

Tanaka's face lit up when he saw the person standing in the doorway, "Naruto, you're back!"

Naruto's clothes were caked in mud and dirt as he hobbled into the room, but even then his smile still shone as bright as ever... and so did the forehead protector tied around his head.

The head matron stared at him, sizing him up from head to toe, "I see you've finally managed to graduate this time around. I was afraid the children's effort would go to waste"

Naruto glowered at the head matron's form as she returned to her office, "Hag"

Tanaka sighed, "Forget about her, alright? Where were you?"

"It's a long story"

* * *

Naruto kept his back pressed against the wall, feeling the cold wind against his face. It was quiet, and the lights were off in the Hokage's office. If he was ever gonna steal the scroll, right now was the best time to do it.

He snuck in through an open window, and landed softly on the floor. His eyes darted across the room. Good, no one was-

"Naruto"

Naruto felt his heart stop. He would recognize that raspy voice anywhere.

The Hokage stepped out from the shadows, eyes sunken in, "What are you doing in my office?"

"Shit, does this mean I failed the test?"

The Hokage raised an eyebrow, "Test? What Test?"

"Mizuki-sensei told me that if I stole a scroll and learned some sort of technique from it then he'd let me graduate"

The Hokage's eyes narrowed, "What else has he been telling you?"

* * *

Mizuki leapt through the trees, grinning as he saw the demon poring over the scroll's contents. He still couldn't believe the brat had done it. His plan had mainly been to have the brat distract the Hokage for a while while he stole the scroll. He hadn't actually expected the brat to pull it off!

Mizuki landed in the forest clearing, the dry leaves crackling under his weight.

"Naruto!" he called out, "Did you manage to learn any techniques?"

The demon's face lit up, "Mizuki-sensei! You're finally here!"

Mizuki smiled. It was like taking candy from a baby, "Why don't you hand the scroll over now, Naruto?"

"Gee, Mizuki-sensei, I'd love to do that, but those guys over there won't let me" Naruto pointed behind Mizuki.

"What g-"

* * *

Naruto kicked his former teacher's unconscious body, "Well, that was easy"

"Yes," Iruka-sensei said, shaking his fist, "It was"

After Naruto had filled in the other ninja about Mizuki's treachery. Iruka-sensei had volunteered to take Mizuki down himself. Even if he didn't manage to knock him out on the first blow, there were dozens more ninja waiting in the shadows to finish him off.

"The target has been secured, Hokage-sama!"

The Hokage flickered into existence right next to them, and observed the body, "I can't believe I've had a traitor working in the academy for this long"

"Neither can I," Iruka said, shaking his head, "I always thought Mizuki and I were friends"

The Hokage motioned at one of the trees, and a masked ANBU member jumped down, "Your orders, Hokage-sama?"

"Interrogation," The Hokage said, "Tell Ibiki to treat him extra special"

Naruto could've sworn the ANBU had shivered for a moment before slinging Mizuki over his shoulder like a sack of meat, and then disappearing.

"What are you gonna do with him?" Naruto asked.

The Hokage didn't meet his gaze, "What we do with all traitors"

The Hokage didn't say anything else, and he didn't need to. Naruto understood well enough what he meant. Mizuki had betrayed the village, and almost tricked him into doing his dirty work. He knew what happened to people like that.

Naruto clutched his stomach. It didn't mean he had to like it though.

Naruto noticed something shining right where Mizuki had collapsed. He squatted down to pick it up. It was Mizuki's old forehead protector. That was when Naruto remembered what he'd came here for.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes?"

Naruto stood up, and grinned before dangling the dirty forehead protector in front of him, "I get extra points for catching a traitor, right?"

Iruka didn't return the smile, "I'm sorry, Naruto, but rules are rules. Unless you can successfully perform the clone technique then I can't let you pass this year"

Naruto's face fell, and his arm dropped to his side, "Oh"

Iruka's face softened, "How about we stop by Ichiraku ramen, tomorrow? Would that help?"

"... You're paying,right?"

Iruka sighed, "Yes, I'm paying... as usual"

"... I think that'll help a little, but you know what would really heal my broken heart?"

"What?"

"The answers to next year's exams"

Iruka grit his teeth, "Why you little-"

"Wait" The Hokage held up his hand, and Iruka froze.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"You said Naruto was having trouble with the clone technique, correct?'

Iruka gulped before nodding, "That is correct"

The Hokage sighed, rubbing at his forehead, "You should've told me earlier. I think I know how to fix that"

* * *

"So you captured a traitor, got personal training from the Hokage, and you graduated?" Tanaka said, eyes wide in awe.

Naruto nodded, "Yep"

"In one night?"

"Mmhm"

Tanaka gave a low whistle, "Wow, I'm not even upset that you disappeared on me like that. That's amazing"

"I know, right?" Naruto grinned, "Wait until the kids hear about this"

"Don't you still have to get your picture taken for your profile though?"

Naruto waved him off, "That's still tomorrow"

"You... do realize what day it is today, don't you?"

Naruto scoffed, "Of course, I do, it's... Shit"

* * *

The Hokage stared at the blank piece of paper, "Would you mind telling me what happened to your picture, Naruto?"

"I... sort of missed the picture taking"

The Hokage fiddled with his pipe, "Really now? It's not like you to miss requirements, Naruto"

Naruto remained silent.

The Hokage let out a puff of smoke, "But I suppose it doesn't matter that much. I'll ask the photographer to make another appointme-"

A small child barged through the door, holding a blunt shuriken in his hand, "Fight me, old geezer!"

Sarutobi watched silently as Konohamaru tripped over his own feet.

"I-Is he okay?" Naruto asked.

Sarutobi sighed, "He'll be fine. This is the second time today, he's tried to attack me"

"... Why?"

"Hey!" Konohamaru yelled, "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" He glared at Naruto, "You!"

Naruto pointed at himself, "Me?"

"Yes, you!" Konohamaru pointed, "You're the one who made me trip, weren't you?"

Naruto gave him a strange look, "Did you hit your head or something?"

"Stop trying to distract me, scoundrel! Your clone tricks won't work on me"

Naruto's face screwed up in confusion, "But I'm not even using it yet"

"Ha! Then why are there three of you moving around, right now?"

Naruto tilted his head, "There… aren't?"

"Oh dear," Sarutobi said, "I think he actually did hit his head"

Naruto walked over to the boy, and Konohamaru tensed. Naruto held up three fingers.

"How many fingers am I holding up right now?"

Konohamaru looked at him like he was insane, "Is this a trick question? Tentacle monsters don't even have any fingers!"

Naruto looked back to the Hokage, "Yep, he definitely hit his head"

Sarutobi sighed, "Would you mind bringing him to the clinic, Naruto?"

"No problem," Naruto said, "C'mon little guy, let's go to the pretty onee-chans at the clinic"

"Shut up, you tentacle monster! I won't let you anywhere near my butthole!"

Sarutobi felt a headache starting to grow. He should really hide Jiraiya's sci-fi works a little better.

* * *

"Jeez, just calm down brat," Naruto said, struggling to hold the squirming child, "I'm not gonna hurt you"

"That's what Ebisu said the kidnappers would say!"

Naruto's patience was wearing thinner by the minute, "If you don't shut up right now, I am going to-"

"Going to what, exactly?"

Naruto turned around. There was a lanky ninja standing behind him dressed in black from head to toe. His forehead protector wrapped around his head like a bandanna, "Who the hell are you?"

The man pushed his sunglasses up, "My name is Ebisu, the young master's tutor"

"Young master?" Naruto looked at the snot-nosed brat wriggling in his arms, "Who? This guy?"

"Indeed," Ebisu said, "You shall not get off lightly for kidnapping the Hokage's grandson"

Naruto blinked before looking down at Konohamaru, "You're the Hokage's grandson?"

Konohamaru smirked, "What? You scared now, punk?"

"Like hell I am," Naruto said, before burying his fist into the kid's stomach.

Ebisu's mouth was gaping wide open, "W-What did you do just do!?"

Naruto turned his head, "What? Do you think I should've gone for the head, instead?"

"No!" Ebisu yelled, "You just hit the Hokage's grandson"

"And I care why?"

"Because- Because-" Ebisu spluttered, "He's the Hokage's grandson!"

Naruto did not look impressed, "Like that matters," Naruto said, "Anyway it's good that you're here"

Ebisu was about to ask why when Naruto suddenly flung Konohamaru at him.

"Catch"

Ebisu scrambled to catch the Hokage's grandson, and stumbled back when he landed in his arms.

"You're supposed to say catch before you throw him, idiot!" Ebisu shouted, cheeks flaring red.

"Oh, really?" Naruto said, "Sorry about that. Here, give him back to me, and I'll do it again"

"No!"

"Sheesh, no need to be so loud, man" Naruto said, twisting a finger in his ear, "You can bring him to the clinic then. The little brat hit his head trying to attack his gramps"

"He- You- Wait- What!?"

Naruto didn't bother to answer as he walked away from the two, "See you later, kid"

Little did Naruto know how true that was.

* * *

Tanaka hummed to himself as he watered the plants in the garden. He was wearing a large straw hat to keep the sun out of his eyes and off his neck, and a pair of tattered gloves to protect his hands. Tanaka dabbed at a bead of sweat on his forehead as he looked over the plants.

He threw a tomato up into the air, and caught it with the same hand, "Looks like we have a good harvest this year"

The vegetable garden had been Naruto's idea. The orphanage was located on the outskirts of Konoha and was closer to the forest than it was to the buildings. Before the vegetable garden, Urushi-nii had said that the orphans who could use chakra like him worked as medic-nins for money, and the ones who couldn't worked as handymen.

Sometimes they'd get hired to clean shops,get rid of bugs, or even harvest the crops. Naruto got the idea from some show he was watching, and the Hokage agreed to pay for it. Tanaka didn't know why, but the old man had always seemed to have a soft spot for Naruto.

Tanaka stood up, and stretched his knees. Whenever Naruto was at the Academy or running errands, it was usually up to him to take care of the garden, but he didn't mind very much. It could get boring at the orphanage with nothing to do.

Tanaka was about to go and return the watering can when he heard a noise in the bushes. He squinted, "Is anyone there?"

"Q-Quack!"

Oh, it was just a duck... Wait a minute. Ducks didn't live anywhere near the orphanage, and they certainly didn't say 'Quack!'

Tanaka frowned. Something was up.

"I'll give you five seconds to come out. Five... Four... Three... Two.. On-"

A young child burst out of the bushes, and laughed, "So you managed to catch me, eh? You're good"

No, Tanaka thought to himself, it's more like you're just really bad at hiding.

"Tell me your name, miss!"

Tanaka pouted. Why did people always think he was a girl? He took off his straw hat, letting his long brown hair tumble down to his shoulders, "My name's Chieko Tanaka, and I'm a boy"

Konohamaru raised an eyebrow, "Are you trying to trick me? I know a girl when I see one"

Tanaka sighed. It would probably be easier to just show him. Tanaka grabbed the edges of his shirt, and pulled up.

"Look, see? I don't have any boobs"

Konohamaru stared at his chest, "Doesn't that mean you're just flatchested? It's gonna take a lot more than that to trick me"

"Fine, what'll it take for you to believe me?"

Konohamaru thought for a moment, and stroked his chin before his eyes flashed with inspiration, "Take off your pants"

Tanaka stepped back, "What? No!"

"C'mon, just one little look? That's all I need"

Tanaka opened his mouth to answer when a figure clothed in black leapt down from the trees.

"Young master!" The man yelled, "I am ashamed of you. What are you doing to such a delicate girl?"

Ugh, Tanaka thought, Another one.

"I didn't do anything," Konohamaru protested, "And she said that she's a boy"

The man scoffed, pushing his sunglasses up, "Hmph, how ridiculous," he said,"As if such a beautiful girl could ever be a boy"

"Actually," Tanaka said, meekly raising his hand, "I am"

The man looked him up and down, "Ah, I see now"

Tanaka smiled. Finally someone-

"You're just confused, aren't you?"

"...What?"

The man wagged his finger at him, "Don't worry, a lot of young people your age are just starting to awaken to their sexual identity, and given time, I'm sure that you'll come to understand your true gender"

Tanaka sighed. It'd be faster to just show him again. Tanaka revealed his chest, "Look, see? I'm a-"

Tanaa never got the chance to finish as the man collapsed and fell backwards, a stream of blood flowing from his nose.

"...What just happened?"

"I don't know, but it was awesome!" The child said, "Can you show me how to do that?"

"I would if I knew how myself"

The kid looked at him with wonder, "So you beat him by accident?"

Tanaka scratched at his cheek, "I guess?"

"That's even more awesome!" He shouted, hopping up and down from excitement, "Can I call you onee-san?"

Tanaka's eye twitched, "Actually, it's _onii_ -san, not onee-san"

"Understood, Onee-san"

"Onii-san"

"Onee-san"

"No, say it with me. O-"

"O"

"Nii"

"Nii"

"San"

"San"

"Onii-san"

"Onee-san"

Tanaka pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "You know what? Fine, I don't even care anymore. What do you want me to call you?"

The child beamed, "My name is Sarutobi Konohamaru, the man who'll become the next Hokage"

"The Hokage's grandson, huh?" Tanaka said, "Why are you here again?"

Konohamaru was about to answer, but froze as he spotted something behind Tanaka.

Tanaka turned around. Naruto's eyes lit up when he saw him.

"Yo, Tanaka," Naruto greeted, "I've been looking for you, man. I just got back from the-"

Tanaka felt something whoosh past his cheek and head straight for Naruto. Naruto raised his hand, and caught a shuriken between two of his fingers.

"The fuck was that?"

Konohamaru clenched his jaw, "To catch my attack so easily... The rumors were true"

Naruto stared at him," Did you hit your head again? I thought I told your teacher to bring you to the clinic," Naruto said before looking around, "Where is he anyway?"

Konohamaru pointed at the man's unconscious body, "Ebisu got knocked out by Onee-san's special technique"

Naruto flicked his gaze towards Tanaka, "Is he talking about you?"

Tanaka let out a breath, "Unfortunately, yes"

Naruto looked at the body with something resembling respect, "Did you really use a special technique to knock him out? That guy's a jounin you know"

"I... guess?"

Konohamaru snorted, "Don't be so modest, Onee-san" Konohamaru said, "I saw her do it with my own eyes"

"Oh?" Naruto seemed interested, "Do tell"

* * *

 _Ebisu leapt down from the trees, and bared his fangs, "Give me the child if you want to live"_

 _"Never!" Onee-san said, her voluptuous body covering my own, "I'll never let you harm the next Hokage!"_

 _Ebisu snarled, "You leave me no choice"_

 _What happened next was a battle of epic proportions that rivalled Hashirama and Madara's. Entire nations fell as the two duelled against one another for my sake._

 _Ebisu drew back, panting, "This is useless. Soon enough the world will fall unless we settle this quickly"_

 _Onee-san's eyes hardened, "I agree. This will be my final attack"_

 _Ebisu's eyes gleamed, "Finally taking this seriously, eh? I guess I better return the favour"_

 _Ebisu drew his head back while Onee-san gathered her power, her hands clutching the sides of her shirt._

 _Ebisu's body glowed red, "Blood stream!"_

 _A fountain of blood erupted from his nose, threatening to overwhelm Onee-san, but everything changed when she attacked._

 _She lifted up her shirt, and although it was far too fast for my eyes to see it ended with Ebisu lying down on the ground, his body broken, battered, and bleeding._

 _Ebisu coughed, "I yield. The young master's yours"_

 _Onee-san held me to her bosom, "Good"_

 _"If I may ask," He wheezed, "What is the name of your final attack?"_

 _Onee-san had never given it a name, it's power far too vast and terrible to go by a mortal moniker, but I knew just what to call it_

* * *

"And it was called," Konohamaru's eyes flared open, "The Booby Beam!"

Naruto burst out laughing, "Hahahahaha, The- the- Booby Beam- Hahahahahaha!"

Tanaka's face was burning red, "Sh-Shut up!" He stammered before turning to Konhamaru, "And you, none of that stuff ever happened"

Konohamaru shrugged, "Some creative liberties might've been taken with the story"

"Creative liberties!?" Tanaka yelled, "I don't even have any boobs in the first place!"

"I thought it would spice up the story a bit" Konohamaru said, looking at his fingernails, "Sex sells, you know?"

Tanaka was close to strangling the kid.

"And besides," Konohamaru said, "It's not the size of your boobs that matter, but the size of your heart!"

... Tanaka changed his mind. He was going to strangle the kid. Damn the consequences!

Tanaka lunged for his neck, but Naruto held him back.

"Now, now, Onee-san," Naruto said, wagging his finger, "Let's finish the story, first?"

Tanaka snarled.

"Good," Naruto said, "So Tanaka did the hehe Booby Beam, and then what happened?"

Konohamaru puffed up his chest, "Upon witnessing such a terrible and devastating attack, I was determined to learn it to defeat my grandfather, and become the Hokage!"

"You want to be the Hokage?" Naruto asked, "Why?"

Konohamaru's clenched his fist, "So that everyone will finally acknowledge me!"

"Wow," Naruto said, "That's a really stupid plan"

Konohamaru bristled, "What do you know? You don't know what it feels like for everyone to look at you and just see the Hokage's grandson!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "So let me get this straight," Naruto said, "Your biggest problem in life is that your family is so powerful and respected that people act _too nice_ to you?"

Konohamaru glared at him.

Naruto chuckled, "Oh, I'd love to have your problems"

"You don't know anything about my problems" Konohamaru hissed.

"No, I don't," Naruto said, "You wanna know what I do know though? I know that you'll never be Hokage"

"Naruto!" Tanaka yelled, but Naruto ignored him.

"You think a weakling like you can be Hokage? Ha! Don't make me laugh"

"Shut up," Konohamaru ground out through clenched teeth, "I have to be Hokage or else no will ever acknowledge me"

"And that's why you're weak," Naruto said, "You think the other Hokage's cared about what other people thought?"

Konohamaru didn't reply.

"No, they didn't because they were too busy kicking ass to care what others thought," Naruto said, "You don't become Hokage to get acknowledged; you get acknowledged to become Hokage"

Konohamaru rubbed at his eyes, and saw something land in front of him. It was an old pair of goggles. Konohamaru looked at Naruto.

"Hokages don't cry," Naruto said, "Put those on, and return them to me when you do become Hokage"

"I will!" Konohamaru yelled at him, "You'll see!"

Naruto didn't look back as he returned inside the Orphanage.

* * *

Naruto was at the kitchen preparing dinner when he heard Tanaka enter the room.

"That was a good thing, you did"

"What do you mean?"

Tanaka sighed, "You don't have to act all tough you know. It's just me"

Naruto didn't reply as the knife continued to hit the cutting board.

"Where did you come up with that speech by the way? I didn't know you had that in you"

Naruto stopped cutting.

 _Naruto sat alone on his swing. The swing underneath the tree was the only shaded spot nearby, yet even in this blazing hot summer, they refused to go near him. Naruto looked at the other kids to see if one of them would push the swing for him, but all they did was glare._

 _Naruto kicked off the ground, and swung himself._

"I guess you could say it came from personal experience"

* * *

 **AN:Now some of you are probably wondering where I'm going with this, and in all due honesty? I have no idea. I think I'll have to get a beta to go flesh out all the possible storylines, and help me out with this. Any volunteers?**

 **I don't know if I'll be able to keep up this update rate though because I do have classes to study for, but I'll do my best.**

 **If you liked the chapter then please review, favourite, and follow- Aleandros137**


	3. I know why the caged Kunoichi yells

**AN:I can't believe how fast I'm managing to make these chapters come out. During the second week of school, no less! This is just amazing for me. You guys have no idea how rare it is for me to be so fast at updating.**

 **Diamon in the Rough Chapter 3- I know why the caged Kunoichi yells... and throws stuff at you**

It was one of those hot and sticky days. Naruto could almost feel the air sticking to his skin. Every now and then, a flock of birds would fly over their heads, and chirp a cheerful tune.

Too bad, Naruto didn't feel like singing along right now. He reached his hand into his weapons pouch, and cursed. He only had a few kunai, and shuriken left. No exploding tags.

Naruto peeked out from behind the tree, and saw Kakashi-sensei still standing there, reading his book like some sort of scarecrow. Naruto looked around the forest. If he remembered correctly, Sakura was hiding near the ant hill while Sasuke was behind the bushes.

Kakashi-sensei had told them that there were only two bells which meant one of them would have to fail.

Naruto took a deep breath. He needed a distraction, something big and flashy.

 _Naruto ducked under the fireball, and felt his back get singed. Sasuke smirked._

"Any minute now, guys" Kakashi-sensei called out, "I'd like for you to attack before I reach the good part"

Naruto grit his teeth. The fucker was taunting them. Well, let's see how he liked this. Naruto made a handsign.

Three puffs of smoke appeared around him, and once it dissipated three exact replicas of Naruto were in their place.

He jerked his head towards Kakashi-sensei, and all three of them nodded before charging out of the hiding spot, and yelling like lunatics.

"Fight me, Kakashi-sensei!"

Naruto set his target right behind Sasuke, so that Kakashi wouldn't see the smoke from the body flicker. He felt the familiar pull of a shunshin, and when he opened his eyes, Sasuke was glaring at him.

"What are you doing here, you idiot?" He hissed, "You're going to get us both caught"

"Calm down," Naruto said, "That's what the clones were for"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as the last remaining clone tried to kick Kakashi's leg before disappearing into a puff of smoke with the others.

"Are those solid clones?" Sasuke asked, brushing a branch out of the way to get a better look.

"Yep"

"When did you learn that?"

"About two days ago, I think, but that's not the point," Naruto said, "I need you to help me out"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "What's in it for me?"

"Well, for starters," Naruto smirked, "I can get you a bell"

That caught Sasuke's attention.

"And what about Sakura?"

Naruto snorted, "What _about_ Sakura?"

"We're just going to abandon her then?"

Naruto rubbed his forehead, "Look, it's not like I want to do this, but there are only two bells and she's only gonna end up slowing us down," Naruto said, "Besides, you and I both know that the only reason she even wants to become a ninja is because of you"

Sasuke didn't reply.

Naruto shook his head, "It's better this way. She might as well fail now than get a kunai stuck in her head because she was too busy ogling your ass"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow

"Oh yeah, I've seen her do it"

Sasuke pressed his lips together for a few moments in thought before looking at him.

"Fine, what's your plan?"

Naruto grinned like a fox.

* * *

Kakashi turned another page, sighing. Kimiko, and Nagisa were already on their first date, and the only attack he'd gotten was from the clones.

It was a good thing for shinobi to be quiet, but this was just overkill. Kakashi wondered if he should start going after them when he heard the shrill sound of metal slicing through the air.

Kakashi smiled, tilting his head to the side to avoid it. Finally, he thought to himself. A pack of orange clones burst out of the foliage, and dashed towards him.

"Stop"

Kakashi dodged one clone.

"Reading"

He sidestepped another one.

"Your"

Ducked under a kick.

"Fucking"

Moved his head to the side to avoid a punch.

"Book!"

And caught one of them trying to punch him. Kakashi bent the clone's arm. _Hard_. And it disappeared into smoke.

"Is that it?" Kakashi asked when he felt the air grow warm.

Kakashi turned around, and saw a fireball headed straight for him. Kakashi bent his legs to jump over it when he felt two of the clones grab onto his legs.

"You're not going anywhere," They said in unison.

Kakashi was actually mildly impressed with their teamwork, but it wasn't quite good enough yet.

He eyed a clone behind Sasuke, and substituted himself with it. Sasuke was still staring forward waiting for the fireball to hit a target that wasn't there.

Kakashi grinned to himself as he brought his two fingers together. This was gonna hurt Sasuke a lot more than it would hurt him.

"Thousand years of death!" Kakashi yelled before plunging his fingers into Sasuke's-

A cloud of smoke appeared.

-Naruto's ass. Kakashi blinked. Huh, well that was interesting.

"God fucking dammit!" Naruto squeezed his eyes in pain as he held the seat off his pants.

If Naruto was here then where was-

His question was soon answered as Sasuke leapt out of a nearby bush, and lunged for the bells. Kakashi twisted his body the moment he'd seen him appear, but it was too late. Sasuke wrapped his fingers around the bells, and tugged them free.

Sasuke's sandals skidded against the forest floor before he looked up and smirked at him, raising the two bells in his hand

"I guess this means we win, Sensei" Sasuke said.

Naruto stood up, still rubbing his ass, "You owe me for that, bastard"

"Congratulations," Kakashi said, "You two pass!"

Naruto's face lit up, and even Sasuke allowed himself a slight smile. Kakashi almost dreaded what would have to come next… almost

Kakashi smiled, "… Is what I would say if I actually was here, and those were the real bells"

Kakashi's clone stayed there for just a moment linger to take in how their faces turned from joy to despair so quickly as he vanished into a puff of smoke.

Sometimes, he really liked this job

* * *

Sakura's eyes fluttered open slowly. What had happened? The last thing she remembered was- Her eyes shot open. Where was Sasuke? She tried to move, but she found that she was tied to a wooden post.

"So you're finally awake, huh?" Sasuke said, looking at her from the corner of his eye, "I thought you'd never wake up"

Sakura didn't understand. Sasuke wasn't bleeding anymore, and there weren't any more holes in his body. It was almost like... The color drained from Sakura's face.

"It was a genjutsu, wasn't it?"

Sasuke nodded, "Kakashi-sensei had spread clones throughout the forest before the test even began. While Naruto and I were fighting one of them, he put you under a genjutsu"

Sakura's face fell, "Did you... at least get a bell?"

Sasuke looked away.

"No," Kakashi-sensei said, turning another page, "But they were close"

Sakura turned her head to see her sensei. He didn't even look tired, it was almost like he'd just been toying with them the whole time..

Kakashi looked up from his book for a moment, "Do you guys understand what the purpose of this test was?"

Sakura creased her brows together. Wasn't it just to eliminate the most useless person from the team?

"It's teamwork, isn't it?" Naruto said.

Sakura almost laughed. How could it test teamwork when there were only two bells unless- Sakura's eyes widened as it dawned on her. Unless that had been the test all along?

"Correct," Kakashi-sensei said, "The purpose of this test was to see if all of you could work together as a team to get the bells"

Sakura dug her nails into her palm, cursing herself. She should've known better than that. No genin teams only had two members.

Naruto jumped to his feet, scowling, "And that's exactly what me and Sasuke did!"

Kakashi's eye sharpened, "Didn't you hear me say all of you?"

Naruto stayed silent.

Kakashi-sensei snapped his book shut, making her flinch, "I'll admit, you and Sasuke exceeded my expectations. Your teamwork, and quick thinking allowed you to obtain a bell from one of my clones which is pretty impressive for a genin. Even if it only had a fraction of my power"

Sakura couldn't believe what she was hearing. She'd known Sasuke would get a bell, but Naruto? Naruto barely even managed to graduate.

"However," Kakashi-sensei said, "You didn't even try to include Sakura in your plans"

Naruto's eyes narrowed into slits, "How could we?" Naruto said, "There were only two bells, we would've ended up fighting each other for them"

"Exactly, I wanted to see if you could put aside your differences, and work together," Kakashi-sensei walked up to them, and looked down at Naruto with his one eye

"I have a saying, you know," He said, "Those who fail the mission are trash, but those who'd abandon their comrades are even lower than trash"

No one spoke. The only sound that could be heard was the wind rustling through the leaves. Sakura felt cold all of a sudden even though the sun was still as bright as ever.

Kakashi laid his hand on the block of stone he was leaning on, "Do all of you see this stone?"

Sakura squinted at it. There were names, and writings engraved on it, but she couldn't quite make them out from this distance.

"On this stone are the names of those who died in the line of duty," Kakashi's voice was heavy, "My best friend's name is written here"

"If you had done that while on a mission, Naruto" Kakashi said, "You would've put Sakura's name on this stone"

Naruto stared at his feet. Sakura snorted, it served him right.

Kakashi tore his eyes away from the stone, "I'll give you guys one more chance, but I'm not going easy on you this time," He glanced at the clock, "You guys have ten minutes to eat. I'd suggest you start now"

Kakashi turned around, and started walking towards the woods.

"Um, sensei?" Sakura said, "Aren't you forgetting about something?" Sakura looked down at the ropes tied around her.

"Oh, right," Kakashi-sensei said, "Sorry about that"

"It's no problem," Sakura smiled.

"I forgot to tell you guys," Kakashi-sensei said, "Don't give any of your food to Sakura. If I catch you doing it, you fail"

Sakura's jaw dropped open, "W-What?" She stammered, "But why?'

Kakashi shrugged, "You were the first to fall, so it's only fair if you're the last to eat"

Sakura felt her breath hitch into her throat. She looked at her two teammates. Surely, they wouldn't agree to this, right?"

"Got it?" Kakashi-sensei said.

Sasuke, and Naruto nodded wordlessly.

"Good"

Sakura could hear the dry leaves crumbling under Kakashi-sensei's every step. Sakura could only stare at his retreating form. She watched the two boys get their lunches, and open them. Sasuke's was a normal meal of fish and rice with a side of tomatoes, and instantly she found herself salivating.

She was starving. She hadn't eaten at all since Kakashi-sensei had told them not to, and now she was forced to watch as her two teammates ate right in front of her? Sakura's face soured.

It wasn't fair.

She stared at Naruto as he came back with his lunch in hand, and sat down.

Sakura scowled, "Well?"

Naruto looked at her, "Well what?"

"Aren't you going to apologize?"

Naruto shrugged, "I would if I had anything to say sorry for"

Sakura clenched her teeth, "You abandoned me in the forest"

Naruto scoffed, "Oh please, like you wouldn't have done the same"

"Excuse me?"

"You really want to play that game, huh?" Naruto asked," Alright then, I'll play"

He set his lunchbox down on the ground, and walked towards her. Sakura found herself only inches away from him as he leaned in, glaring at her.

"I want you to look me in the eye, and tell me that if Sasuke had offered to team up with you, you wouldn't have run off with him, and left me behind"

Sakura tried to answer, but her mouth felt dry. Naruto's eyes were so clear that she could see herself in them. She tried to say that she would never abandon him, that she would've stayed behind to help him through hell or high water, but... she knew that she would have been lying. Sakura turned her head away, she couldn't bear to look at her reflection in his eyes any longer. She couldn't bear to look at someone who would abandon their teammate just like that.

Naruto snorted, and walked away, "That's what I thought"

Sakura would have a hard time looking at any reflective surface for a long time after that day.

When one stares into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you

* * *

Sasuke chewed his food thoroughly, a habit that his mother had pounded into him as a child. He stared at Naruto, wolfing down his food, and then at Sakura who was just gazing blankly into space. Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. You knew something was wrong when he was the one that had to help people make up.

"Hey, Naruto"

Naruto looked at him, cheeks bulging with food, before gulping it down "Yeah?"

"Come with me, I think I forgot something in the forest"

"Go by yourself," Naruto said, turning back to his food, "I'm eating here"

Sasuke sighed before grabbing Naruto by the arm, "Just come with me, you idiot"

"Hey wait!" Naruto cried out, stretching his arm towards his food, "My lunch!"

"It'll still be there when you get back, stop overreacting" Sasuke said as he dragged Naruto towards the forest. He stopped when he felt like they were far enough for no one to hear them.

"Alright, fine," Naruto said, "So what's this thing you forgot in the forest?"

"I didn't forget anything. I lied"

Naruto folded his arms, "So why the hell did you bring me here then?"

Sasuke sighed, "You need to apologize to Sakura"

Naruto looked like he had just asked him to murder small furry animals for their fur, "Fuck no, I'm not apologizing to that bitch"

Sasuke ran a hand through his spiky black hair, "Well, if you want to get one of those bells then you'll have to"

"Why?" Naruto asked, "You heard him, we did great"

"Against a clone, and he's not holding back this time"

Naruto scoffed, "So?"

"Look, if we even want a chance of getting near those bells. We'll need all the help we can get"

"But Sakura's useless!"

"She had the highest grades in class"

"Well, sure," Naruto admitted, "But she can't fight at all. Hell, she'd lose against Ino in a sparring match"

Sasuke rubbed his forehead, "Be that as it may, she's still one of the smartest people in our class. Even if she can't help us fight him, she can at least help us think of a plan"

Naruto stared at him for a few long seconds, but Sasuke didn't hesitate even the slightest bit. Naruto sighed, closing his eyes.

"Fine, I'll do it," Naruto said, "But I won't like it"

Sasuke smirked, "That's all you need to do"

Naruto cursed under his breath, "You owe me for this"

* * *

Naruto came out of the forest, shielding his eyes from the sun. Sakura was still just standing there, sulking, but as soon as she saw him, her eyes hardened. Naruto curled his lip in disgust as he approached. The moment she did something to piss him off, Naruto wouldn't even care if he went back to the Academy or not. He wasn't gonna kiss up to some ungrateful little know-it-all who couldn't even-

"I'm so sorry!"

Naruto stumbled, but he caught his footing. He... was not expecting that

"What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry, you were right. It's all my fault" Sakura bowed her head.

Naruto looked at Sasuke to see if he had something to do with this. The sharingan was known to have freaky mind control powers after all, but the Uchiha was just as stumped as he was at what brought about this sudden change.

"I thought about what you said after you left and-" Sakura looked up at him, "You're right. I have no right to judge you for what you did because I'd have done the same to me"

Naruto had dealt with Sakura yelling at him. He'd dealt with Sakura throwing things at him, and he'd even dealt with Sakura while she was trying to kill him for... the-event-that-shall-not-be-named.

But Sakura apologizing to him? That was just... weird.

Naruto shifted his weight, "I'm... sorry too, I guess"

"Don't apologize. It's my fault"

"Well, yeah"

Sasuke jabbed him with his elbow.

"But I shouldn't have abandoned you in the forest like that, and for that... I'm sorry" Naruto looked Sasuke's way, and the black haired boy nodded.

"... Thanks," Sakura said, "I know Sasuke probably forced you into saying that, but thank you," Sakura smiled at him, "Naruto"

Naruto found himself staring at her. She was surprisingly cute when she smiled... and wasn't trying to beat the life out of him. Maybe being teammates wouldn't be so bad after all.

Sasuke clapped his hands, drawing attention to him, "Well, now that you two have made up, let's think of a plan. I was thinking that while Naruto surrounded Kakashi-sensei with his clones, I would-"

Naruto heard a loud growling noise.

Sakura blushed, "S-Sorry, please continue"

Sasuke coughed, "As I was saying, Naruto will surround him with his clones while I-"

Sakura's stomach growled once more.

"Sorry," she said, "That's the last time promise"

Sasuke took a deep breath before continuing, "Now-"

What followed next was one of the most horrific noises that Naruto had ever heard, and he was awake when that weird kid with the green jumpsuit was running around the village yelling. The worst part was that it lasted for an entire minute.

Sasuke's eye was twitching, "Are you done?"

Sakura nodded, her face was as red as a tomato.

Naruto walked away, and picked up his lunch before walking back to Sakura.

"Naruto?" Sasuke said, "What are you-"

"Eat," Naruto said, holding ito ut to her.

Sakura looked at him like he was crazy, "You know I can't. Kakashi-sensei said that I'm not allowed to eat anything"

"No," Sasuke said, "He's right. You won't be of much help to us starving"

Sakura bit her lip, "What if we get caught?"

Naruto sighed before holding up his hands in a sign, and summoning three clones.

They looked at him expectantly, "Yes, boss?"

"Go stand guard, and tell us if Kakashi-sensei's near, got it?"

They nodded, "Got it"

"Off you go then," Naruto shooed them away before turning back to Sakura, "Well, that takes care of that now, doesn't it?" Naruto said, "Eat"

"Uhh..." Sakura looked down at herself.

"Oh, right," Naruto was about to feed her himself when he got a better idea, "Sasuke, how about you feed her?"

"What?" Sasuke asked, "Why me?"

"C'mon, you can have the tomato if you want"

Sasuke seemed to hesitate, but Naruto turned it around in his hand, and Naruto knew that he had him hook, line, and sinker.

"Fine," Sasuke said, "Give me the chopsticks"

Naruto handed it over to him, "I'll go stand guard with the clones in case Kakashi-sensei comes back. Meanwhile," He winked at Sakura, "Have fun you two"

"Thank you," Sakura mouthed at him.

Naruto held his thumbs-up in response. See? Good things happened to you when you were nice to Uzumaki Naruto.

Sakura's eyes widened as she took her first bite, "Woah, this is really good" She looked over at him, "Who made your lunch?"

Naruto shrugged, "I did. I make lunch for all the other kids at the orphanage too"

Sakura looked at him with amazement, "You made this?"

"Yeah," Naruto said, "Why, you like it?"

"Like it?" Sakura said, gulping down another bite, "It's amazing"

Naruto smiled to himself. For that, Sakura just earned herself another favor from him.

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto said, "You want to try it?"

The Uchiha seemed wary for a moment, looking at him with narrowed eyes before taking a bite of it as well.

Instantly, his eyes widened.

"Good, isn't it?"

Sasuke nodded, but he was too busy shovelling the rest of it down his throat.

"Easy there, man" Naruto said, "Leave some for Sakura"

Sasuke swallowed down the contents of his mouth, "Sorry about that, here"

He said, holding out the same pair of chopsticks he'd just used to Sakura's lips.

"Is something wrong?" Sasuke asked, "You look kind of red"

"No," Sakura squeaked, glowing red, "Everything is just great" She said before sending another grateful look Naruto's way.

Naruto snickered to himself. Another good deed done for the-

"Oh shit," Naruto said.

Sasuke looked at him, "What?"

Naruto snatched the lunchbox out of the Uchiha's hand, "One of my clones just got killed, Kakashi's-"

"Already here"

Naruto turned around slowly, almost afraid of what he was about to see. Kakashi was perched up on the wooden log that Sakura was tied to, his face was covered in shadows, but his eye seemed to be gleaming.

Naruto gulped, he did not look happy.

"You guys-"

Naruto reached for his weapons pouch. Sasuke got into a fighting stance, and Sakura... Well, she was tied to a log. There wasn't a lot she could do other than just watch in wide-eyed horror.

But what really surprised them was what Kakashi did next. He reached for his back pocket.

Naruto's legs tensed. What was he going to pull out? A kunai? His book? Or something even more dangerous?

The answer was none of the above, Naruto found out as a stream of glitter and confetti fell around them.

"Pass," Kakashi smiled, holding out a party popper in his right hand, "We'll be meeting at the same place tomorrow. Don't be late"

* * *

 **AN: Wow, 10,00 words in little less than a week. That has to be a new record for me. Anyways, thanks for the comments, guys! All four of them!... That's not that impressive now that I think about it, but whatevs I'm still pumped!**

 **I needed Sakura to go through a bit of character development for what I planned for her in the later chapters, but how do you guys think I did? I think I pulled it off pretty well, but I've been wrong before.**

 **If you liked the chapter then please follow, favourite, and review the story. Thank you!- Aleandros137**


	4. The fast and the furry

**Diamond in the rough Chapter 4:The Fast and The Furry**

Naruto twisted the cloth in his hands, and wrung the water out of it. He watched the water drip onto the ground, and gave it one more good twist before hanging it up on the clothesline. Two of his clones waddled nearer, each carrying a large bundle of clothes in their arms.

"Here you go, Boss" One of them said, "This should be the last batch"

"Good," He motioned at a few of the other clones working nearby, and they added it to their own piles of clothing. There was an entire line of identical Narutos each folding, hanging, and drying the laundry.

Naruto shook the water off his hands, "How's the cleaning going?"

"Done"

"Repairs?"

"The leaky roof has been fixed, the toilet's been unclogged, and the hole in the wall has been filled"

He dried his hands with a nearby towel, "Okay, did one of you guys remember to drop off Megumi's lunch?"

"I think one of us left about ten minutes ago. He should've-" The clone blinked, "Nevermind, he already did it"

Naruto nodded, having just received the same memory. He still wasn't used to getting memories from his clones, it always felt a bit... off. They didn't just appear or anything, it was more like they were always just... there.

Naruto stepped onto the mat, drying his sandals and as soon as he slid the door open, a brown blur lunged out at him. Naruto felt it's claws dig into his face. He yelled for just a moment before prying it off. He could feel the side of his face throbbing with pain from scratchmarks. The beast was still growling at him, flailing it's arms and legs trying to scratch at any bit of exposed skin.

"Come back here, kitty!"

Naruto heard someone running down the hall, and watched as a blonde child ran towards him with a fish in hand.

"I have fish for y-"

As soon as he saw Naruto, Takeshi fell silent.

Naruto glared at him, "Talk. Now"

* * *

A lot of people said that the twins were so in-sync that they must be telepathic or something. Now, this wasn't exactly true, but Takeshi always did have a knack for guessing what his younger brother was feeling.

Takumi glared at him, _I'm not your younger brother, we're twins_.

Takeshi scoffed, _Please, I think our birth certificates says otherwise._

 _You're only older by ten minutes!_

 _That's still ten minutes older than you._

 _Shut up!_

 _You shut up!_

 _No, you shut up!_

 _No, you-_

Naruto slammed his hands down on the table, "Any of you mind telling me what happened?"

Takeshi sent his brother a look, _You tell him what happened._

 _You do it! You're older!_

 _Oh, so now you admit it? That is just despicable._

 _Just do it! This was your idea!_

 _No way, Naruto-nii will kill me_

 _I'm gonna tell Noriko that you like her!_

Takeshi's face reddened, _I do not!_

 _Do too!_

 _Do not!_

 _Do too!_

 _Do-_

Naruto placed a cage down onto the table, it's walls were shaking as the cat they'd found flailed against its prison, "What is this?"

Takeshi looked at it, "It's a cat"

"I know it's a cat," Naruto said, "I'm asking why it's here"

"I don't know. Maybe it just snuck in here somehow?"

Naruto opened his mouth to say something when Tanaka entered the room.

"Naruto?" The boy said, "You're still here? I thought you'd left al-" Tanaka stared at his face.

Naruto blinked, "What?"

"You've got a um…. There's a…"

* * *

Naruto stomped towards the forest clearing, scowling. Stupid cat. Now he'd have to reschedule the photo... again. Naruto sighed, rubbing his cheek. He wondered if the claw marks were still there.

Naruto had almost even considered using makeup to hide it, but with his luck he'd probably make it even worse. Naruto saw his teammates up ahead and groaned. He was not looking forward to this.

The moment he arrived, Sasuke looked up at him and said, "You're late"

Naruto sighed, might as well get it over with, "Okay guys, lay it on me"

Sasuke stared at him, "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Really? Nothing? You have nothing to say about my face"

Sasuke shrugged, "It looks as ugly as ever to me"

"First of all, fuck you," Naruto said, "And secondly, are you blind or something?"

Sasuke just gave him a strange look, "Like I said, I have no idea what you're talking about"

Naruto threw his hands up in the air, "You're just fucking with me now, aren't you? Where's Sakura?"

"Here"

Naruto turned around and saw the pink-haired girl behind him, leaning on a tree. Sakura walked towards them, "I just got back from the restroom, what do you need?"

"Okay, I need you to be honest with me right now," Naruto said, "How do I look?"

Sakura looked at him from head to toe, "Honestly?"

Naruto nodded, "Give it to me straight"

Sakura took a deep breath, "Your clothes are way too baggy. The orange tracksuit has to go, and a little product in your hair can go a long way"

"Okay, first of all, this tracksuit is awesome, and secondly, I was talking about my face"

"I was getting to that," Sakura said, "You're actually not that bad looking. I mean, you're no Sasuke, but I think once you lose the baby fat, girls will definitely notice"

"You think so? I mean, I always knew I was pretty handsome, but- Hey!"

"What?" Sakura said, "I was giving you a compliment"

"Not that... Still, thank you, but I was talking about these marks on my face!" Naruto said, pointing at himself.

"I always thought those were birthmarks" Sakura said.

"So did I," Sasuke replied.

Naruto slapped his forehead, "Not those, I'm talking about the claw marks!"

Sakura stared at him, "What claw marks?"

"You know," Naruto motioned around his face, "These!"

"Naruto," Sakura said, taking a mirror out from her bag, "There's nothing there"

Sakura opened her compact mirror, and Naruto looked at his reflection and found… nothing. The scratches had just vanished like they were never there to begin with.

"Huh," Naruto squinted, "That's weird"

"Do you believe us now?"

"I guess, but I could've sworn that-"

"Hey guys," Kakashi said, draping his arms around their shoulders, "What have you been up to?"

Naruto glared at him, "You're late"

"I know, I know, but I have a valid reason this time," Kakashi ruffled through his pockets, and pulled out a folded piece of paper, "I got us our very first D-rank mission!"

Sasuke leaned over to get a closer look, "What is it?"

"We are going to-" Kakashi opened it up dramatically, "Find a missing cat!"

All three of them stared at him.

"That's our first mission," Naruto said, "To find some dumb cat?"

"Not just any cat," Kakashi said, "We're going to find Tora, the pet of the Daimyo's wife!"

"... We're going to find some dumb cat?"

Kakashi sighed through his mask, "I worked so hard to get this mission for us, you guys. All the other jounins wanted it for their teams, but I practically got down on my knees and begged the Hokage for it because of how much I care"

"...You just want to see us get scratched by a cat, don't you?"

"Well, mostly" Kakashi admitted, "But about thirty percent was because of how much I care"

Naruto sighed, "Fine, let's just get this over with," Naruto said, "What does the little guy look like?"

Kakashi pulled a photo out from his pocket and showed it to them, "That's Tora"

"How do we find him?"

"Glad you asked, Sakura," Kakashi said, "First, we split up and search the village for clues, and then we-"

"No need," Naruto said, glaring at the picture, "I know where that thing is"

* * *

The orphanage was a large wooden building. Sakura remembered that it had been built all the way back during the Nidaime Hokage's time, but she'd never really seen it up close. It was on the outskirts of the village, right inside the forest, and Sakura had never gone that far into the woods.

She'd always known somewhere at the back of her head that Naruto was an orphan, but it had never really sank in until now. Sakura had to admit though, it was a lot cleaner than her house. Sakura removed her shoes as she entered, and couldn't find even a single smudge. She'd thought that a building filled with little kids would have handprints on the walls, but the orphanage was almost spotless.

As they entered the main part of the building, she saw why. There were more than a dozen Narutos, and as soon as they saw them, they bowed.

"Welcome back,boss!" They said in unison.

Naruto waved them off, "Back to work, boys"

They nodded, and soon resumed their duties like nothing had ever happened. They were almost rhythmic in their work, and did their tasks like machines. Sakura could only stare.

"You have this many clones just for doing chores?" Sakura said.

Naruto looked around, "There were more of them earlier, but leaving too many clones out for a long time can hurt your head or something, so most of them dispel as soon as they're done. It can give you a bit of a headache at first, but if they do it one by one then I can handle it"

Kakashi gave a low appreciative whistle, "I have to say, Naruto. I think you're the only person I know who can use shadow clones just for chores"

Naruto stared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it just means you have a lot of chakra"

Naruto made his way through the main hall, and the rest of the team followed after him. They soon entered the dining room where a pretty brown haired girl was eating a riceball

"Naruto?" She said, brushing a grain of rice off her lip, "I didn't know you'd be back so early"

"Yeah, well, something came up," Naruto said before walking to the fridge, "We have any eggs left? I'm kind of hungry"

She turned to look at them, and smiled, "Is this the infamous team I've heard so much about?"

"Hm? Oh yeah" Naruto mumbled as he fished through the fridge.

She got up from the table, and brushed off her pants before walking towards them, "It's nice to finally meet you," She said, stretching her hand out, "I'm Tanaka by the way. I'm guessing you're Sakura?"

"What gave it away?" Sakura said, shaking Tanaka's hand, "The pink hair?"

Tanaka chuckled, covering her mouth with a dainty white hand, "Well, Naruto did tell me you had pink hair, but he never told me how pretty you were"

Sakura smiled, she liked this girl.

Tanaka then turned to Sasuke, and held her hand out, "Uchiha Sasuke, I presume"

Sasuke didn't say anything, but he did give her a small nod.

"I hope Naruto isn't giving you too much trouble," Tanaka said, as she shook his hand. When she walked away to meet with Kakashi-sensei Sakura noticed that Sasuke's gaze seemed to linger on Tanaka's... lower region.

Sakura changed her mind, she did not like this girl anymore.

"So you're Hatake Kakashi, huh?" She said, "I've heard so much about you from Naruto"

Kakashi chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "All good things I hope"

"Well, mostly," Tanaka said, "Although I don't think I'd like facing you in a fight. Naruto told me all about your er... technique"

Kakashi blinked, "Which one?"

"You know," Tanaka brought his two fingers together, and poked the air.

"Oh," Kakashi said, "That one"

"Yep" she said, "I don't think I've ever heard Naruto swear more than he did that night"

"Well, he might've told you a lot about me, but he never told us that he had such a beautiful girlfriend" Kakashi's eye crinkled in amusement.

Tanaka blushed, shaking her head frantically, "Oh no, you've got it all wrong"

Sakura had expected that.

"I'm a boy"

Sakura had not expected that.

* * *

Naruto chuckled to himself as his team's jaws dropped to the floor. It was always fun to see Tanaka meet someone new. He bit into an apple with a loud crunch. He decided to get to work while his team recovered from their great... dickscovery?... No, he could do better than that.

Naruto decided to get to work, "Hey, Tanaka"

"Yeah?"

"Where's the cat from this morning?"

"I told the twins to bring it to the animal shelter"

Naruto palmed his face, "Oh, great"

Tanaka tilted his head, "What's the problem?"

"Turns out that it's the Daimyo's wife's cat. Our mission today was to go find it"

Tanaka raised an eyebrow, "They send ninja out to find cats?"

"That's what I said," Naruto replied, "How long ago did they leave?'

Tanaka looked at the clock, "Not too long, I think you can still catch up"

Naruto took another bite of his apple, and chewed it as he walked over to his team, "You guys want to stay here or come with me?"

"I... think I'm just gonna lie down for a while," Sasuke said, looking a little green.

"Me too" Sakura said.

Naruto turned towards Kakashi who seemed the least surprised, "How about you?"

Kakashi shrugged, "I think I'll just stay here, and finish my book"

Naruto shrugged, "Suit yourselves"

* * *

Konoha's animal shelter was a beige little building right next to the Inuzuka compound. When Naruto walked in, there was an older girl with long brown hair tied back into a ponytail behind the desk. The telltale red marks on her face identified her as an Inuzuka clan member.

She looked up from her clipboard, and smiled, "Yes?"

Naruto put his hands up on the desk, "Did two little boys come here earlier, and drop off a cat?"

"Sorry, my shift just started so I can't say for sure, but I'll check the records, okay?"

Naruto nodded, "Thank you"

She smiled at him one more time before leaving to the records room. Naruto looked around, and found an empty black couch in the corner of the room. It looked a little torn, and smelled weird, but at least he had something to sit on.

Naruto sat down, and leaned on the wall. There were a few magazines to read, but most of them were about celebrities, or clothes or- Ooh! There was one about cooking. Naruto stretched his hand out to reach for it when he saw something outside that caught his eye.

A cat ran by, and just a few moments after, it was followed by two identical blonde boys chasing after it. One of them was carrying a very familiar looking cage in their hands, its door swinging as they ran.

Naruto blinked.

The Inuzuka girl came out with a big blue notebook, "Sorry, we haven't had any new dropoffs today, but I'll tell you if we do"

"No need," Naruto said, already making his way out the door, "But thanks anyway"

* * *

In their defense, Takeshi and Takumi had meant to hand the cat over to the animal shelter... They had just wanted to teach it a few tricks first. Ta It had not been a very good idea.

The scratches on Takeshi's arm were starting to sting.

 _"_ Why is _ha_ that damn _ha_ cat so _ha_ fast?" Takumi panted as they chased after it. If he had had enough breath to answer, he would've, but Takeshi was running on fumes as it was.

He'd always been the brains of the two, not the brawn. He swore that the next time they tried to sneak a pet in, they'd get a turtle instead. it might not have been as awesome, but at least it wouldn't try to scratch their eyes out.

The twins tried to make their way through the crowd of people as best as they could, but the cat was weaving through it almost seamlessly. They'd only catch glimpses of brown fur before it disappered between someone's legs, and soon enough it was gone.

The twins were bent over, and breathing heavily. They could not run anymore, and as soon as they looked up there was no trace of the cat anywhere in sight. It was too noisy, and there were too many people around to try and chase after it again.

"Oh man," Takumi said, "Naruto-nii's going to kill us"

"You're damn right I am"

Takeshi and Takumi gulped in unison before they both turned around slowly.

"Naruto-nii!" Takumi said, forcing a smile on his face, "What are you doing here?"

"Funny," Naruto said, although his expression was far from amused, "I was about to ask you guys the same thing"

"Well, uh we were going to hand the cat over when-" Takeshi was cut off when Naruto raised his hand.

"Save it," Naruto said, "When the boss gets back here with the cat, you two will be in so much trouble"

Takeshi and Takumi looked at each other, and for once they were on the same page.

 _We're screwed_.

* * *

Tanaka waved at Naruto's team as they walked away from the orphanage with Tora in tow.

"Aren't you gonna go with them?" Tanaka asked.

Naruto shook his head, "Nah, I'll just get my share of the money tomorrow, and besides-" Naruto raised his bandaged hand, "I still need to get this wound cleaned out. The fucking cat bit me!"

Tanaka sighed, "Here, I'll do it. I already got the alcohol"

Naruto sat down on a chair, and Tanaka knelt down to get the bandages off. He slowly unwrapped it to find…

"Naruto?"

"Just do it already," Naruto said, closing his eyes tightly, "I just want to get it over with"

"I would, but…" Tanaka checked again just to be sure, but the skin was unmarked. There was no wound or scar or anything. It was like nothing had ever happened.

"There's nothing on your hand, Naruto"

"What?" Naruto said, he opened his eyes and slowly turned his hand, "This- This can't be real. I saw it myself. Hell, there's still fucking blood on the bandages!"

"Naruto, calm down" Tanaka placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, "Relax, maybe it just wasn't as deep as you thought it was"

"No, this- this happened this morning too," Naruto said, "Remember the marks on my face right after the cat scratched me?"

Tanaka nodded.

"Those disappeared too!" Naruto said, "Doesn't that seem weird to you?"

Tanaka shifted his weight uneasily, "Maybe you're just a fast healer?"

Naruto shoved his hand right in front of Tanaka's face, "Look at this! There's not even a scar! This isn't just fast healing, this is-" Naruto gulped, eyes wide, "This is like regeneration"

Tanaka looked at his friend with concern, "I think you've been reading too many comics, Naruto"

"Fine," Naruto said, "Just watch"

Tanaka was about to ask what he meant when Naruto took a kunai out from his pouch.

"Naruto?" Tanaka said, "What are you-"

Tanaka could only stare in horror as Naruto slashed the back of his hand, and blood started spurting out.

"Naruto!" Tanaka yelled, "Are you crazy?"

Naruto stopped him from trying to clean the wound.

"What are you doing!?"

Naruto stared at his bleeding hand, "Just watch"

Tanaka knew that look. It was the look Naruto had when nothing would change his mind. Eyes focused, brows pinched together, and jaw clenched. Tanaka knew a losing battle when he saw one.

He sighed, reluctantly setting the alcohol down, "You better have a good reason for this, Naruto"

"I do. Just keep watching, if nothing happens then I'll treat you to lunch for a month"

Tanaka took a deep breath. This was ridiculous. Nothing was going to happen. People didn't just heal without a medic-nin around to do it for them. Naruto was just going to bleed out for a few minutes, and look like an absolute idiot.

Then Tanaka would have to clean up his mess like always. Literally this time. That's what was going to happen. Tanaka was sure of it.

Until the wound started to close.

Tanaka rubbed his eyes to be sure, but what he saw hadn't changed. Slowly, but surely the wound was starting to heal.

He stared in wonder as the wound became a scar, and then the scar started to fade, and soon enough, the wound was gone.

In less than ten minutes, Naruto had done the impossible.

Naruto showed his hand to him, "Do you believe me now?"

* * *

 **AN:Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but seriously though, three weeks is still pretty short for me. I can't believe how fast I'm managing to bring these chapters out. It's insane.**

 **For those of you wondering what Tanaka looks like. Think of a mix between Yukimura from Boku wa Tomadachi ga Sukanai, and Hideyoshi from Baka to Test.**

 **That should be an accurate description of the image I have in mind.**

 **Anyway, I think it'd be fun to connect with my readers with a few little questions. I've seen some other people do this before, and it seems fun, so why not?**

 **First question:What was your gateway manga/anime?**

 **The very first animes that I remember watching were naruto and Dragon Ball Z, but Fairy Tail was the one that really got me hooked onto reading manga.**

 **Of course, looking back my tastes have changed, but I'll always have a special place in my heart for a classic shounen.**


	5. New men, Old men, and ramen

**AN:I just watched Inside Out, and it was great! I loved it so much! I don't want to spoil it for you guys, but... just watch it for yourself. It's funny, it's sweet, and what's a very important thing as you'll soon find out is that it's sad. Watch the movie, and you'll understand what I mean.**

 **Anyway, back to business. Somethings in this chapter get a little bit... mature. Not in that kind of way, but... well you'll see soon enough.**

 **Diamond in the Rough Chapter 5:**

Iruka felt the noodles slide down his throat before he slurped up the next batch. There really was nothing better after a long day of school than a bowl of piping hot ramen. Iruka soon neared the bottom of his bowl, and was about to order seconds when he noticed Naruto.

Specifically, the untouched bowl of ramen right in front of Naruto. He was just staring at it, the chopsticks in his hands hadn't even been broken in half yet.

Iruka frowned, "Something wrong, Naruto?" Iruka said, "You haven't even touched your food."

"I'm fine," Naruto said, yawning slightly, "I just don't feel hungry today."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. When Naruto wasn't hungry, you knew something was wrong. Especially when he wasn't the one paying for it.

Problem was, what could possibly be bothering him?

Naruto graduated just two weeks ago, had managed to pass Kakashi's test, and his team had already done seven missions. That was a spectacular record for a new genin team, but he supposed it wouldn't be too hard to finish D-ranks considering the fact that Naruto was pretty much a one-man army.

For once, everything seemed to be great for Naruto. So what was wrong?

"Naruto," Iruka said, turning his body to face the boy, "You could talk to me if something's bothering you, you know?"

Naruto swirled his chopsticks through the soup, and avoided eye-contact. Iruka might've only been a chuunin, but could recognize the signs of someone who had something to hide.

"Seriously, what's bothering you?"

The swirling stopped. Naruto turned to look at him, and for once, he actually seemed his age. Naruto was usually so sarcastic, and crude, but whenever you looked into his eyes, you'd see someone older. Someone who'd seen how cruel life was, and decided to take it head-on anyway. That was the Naruto he knew.

But that wasn't the Naruto sitting in front of him right now.

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto said, looking down at his hands, "Can you keep a secret?"

Iruka nodded, "Of course, I promise that whatever you tell me I'll take it with me to my grave."

Naruto smiled at that, but his eyes still seemed so... murky. Iruka could usually see right through most kids, but he'd never been able to tell what was going on inside Naruto's head.

"I've recently... discovered something about myself."

Iruka listened patiently, "Go on. Whatever you say, I promise I won't judge you."

Naruto shifted his weight nervously, "Did you ever get the feeling that you were... different from everyone else?"

"Yes," Iruka said, "Everyone's a little different, Naruto"

"No, not like that," Naruto said, eyes focused on his hands, "I mean, like... really different."

Iruka tilted his head, "What do you mean?"

"I think there's something I need to show you"

* * *

They ducked into a dark alley, the sort that people would use for some... illicit activity. Not always the criminal kind although it would be a lot easier for Iruka to walk in on that rather than... the other kind.

Naruto looked around, his eyes darting from side to side as he surveyed the area. There were no windows around them, and the only lviing things around were the rats and roaches scurrying around in the dumpsters.

"Alright, Naruto, what did you want to show me?" Iruka said.

"Just... don't panic, okay?" Naruto said. He pulled out a kunai, and twirled it in his fingers for a moment before he sliced it across hand in one quick swipe. Blood started gushing out in a torrent of red.

Iruka's eyes widened, "Naruto, what are you-"

"Calm down," Naruto said, "I've done this before, just wait a few minutes."

Iruka's hands curled together, but he did as Naruto said and soon enough the wound was closing on its own. Iruka didn't even know how to describe it. It was like watching a snail slowly slide it's way across the ground. Before you even realised it, it had already come so far.

"This," Naruto said, raising the back of his hand, "Is what I was talking about. It's like I have some sort of accelerated healing factor or something. Like that guy from the comics with the metal claws"

Iruka's mouth felt dry as he tried to speak, "Y-yeah, I... was not expecting that."

"So," Naruto said, "What do you think caused it?"

"I don't know, perhaps it's some sort of Kekkai Genkai or... something"

Naruto stroked his chin in thought, "That makes sense, I guess. Do you know any clans that could do something like this?"

"Well, the Uzumaki for one were renowned for their longevity and recuperative ability. There are legends of Uzumakis who had been trapped inside a cave, and lived on chakra alone for months" Iruka said, "A lot of them died out a long time ago though during the Second Shinobi World War. The survivors scattered all around the world, and now the clan's just a memory. The fourth Hokage's wife was an Uzumaki though, interestingly enough. Her name was... Kushina, I think?"

"Uzumaki, huh?" Naruto said, "Do you think I could be one?"

"Technically, yes, but so could a lot of people. Konoha and Uzushiogakure had always had strong ties, so it wasn't strange to see someone from Konoha marrying an Uzumaki. Some people in the village probably have a little Uzumaki blood in them aside from clans like the Uchiha and Hyuuga who believe in blood purity" Iruka said, "Most Uzumakis usually had red hair though, if I remember correctly"

"Oh," Naruto said, "I guess that rules me out then, huh?"

"Not exactly, red hair is a recessive trait, so you might have Uzumaki blood in you, but considering how little Uzumakis there are left in the world, I wouldn't count on it"

Naruto smiled, "Don't worry, I won't. My family's big enough as it is," Naruto said, "It's getting late anyway, and the kids are probably getting worried, so I'll be headin home for now"

Naruto waved goodbye, and walked home with the weight off his shoulders. Iruka, however; had trudged back to his apartment that night, and flopped onto his bed. No matter how tightly he tried closing his eyes, he couldn't sleep. It was like a giant fox was sitting on his chest.

* * *

Sarutobi slammed his stamp down on the last piece of paper, and grinned. He had finally finished all the paperwork for today. He got up from his chair, and arched his back, feeling the relief of freedom flooding through him.

He looked out the window as he rubbed his back, trying to knead all the kinks out. The sky was clear today, and the moon cast a serene light over the village. Many of those who'd fought with him in the old wars said that the new generation was too busy with their heads in the clouds instead of focusing on their training, but Sarutobi liked to think that that was a good thing.

If the chlidren had the opportunity to relax, and make mistakes then that meant that they'd succeeded in bringing peace. He heard the door open behind him, and Sarutobi turned around to see his new visitor.

It was a young man with spiky brown hair tied back into a ponytail, and a scar across the bridge of his nose. His back was slouched, and his head held low, but there was a strange sort of determination in his eyes.

"Iruka-san," Sarutobi greeted, "What brings you here at this time of the night?"

Iruka bowed deeply, "I'm sorry for bothering you, Hokage-sama, but I have a request"

Sarutobi chuckled, "No need to be so formal, Iruka-san. Whatever you want, just say it"

Iruka bit his lip for a moment.

"I want to tell Naruto the truth about the Kyuubi"

Sarutobi didn't say anything for a while as he took a drag from his pipe. Iruka continued bowing.

The Hokage noticed how his hands would shake ever so slightly, and how white his knuckles were. It had clearly taken quite a lot for the boy to gather up the courage to ask this.

"I see" The Hokage walked forward, hands held beside his back, "Where did this... _request_ come from?"

Iruka straightened up, "Naruto is starting to notice things, sir. If we don't tell him, he'll figure it out for himself"

"What sort of things has he noticed?"

"The fact that he heals faster than everyone else. He's bound to notice the other things too soon enough," Iruka said, "Naruto's never been the type to give up on something"

The Hokage stroked his beard as he mulled this new information over. A lesser man might have panicked, but lesser men did not become Hokage.

"Do you know why I kept it a secret from Naruto?" Sarutobi said, "Why I went through all the trouble of making sure that none of the children know about it?"

Iruka shook his head, "No"

"It was to make sure he could live a normal life," Sarutobi said, "Jinchuuriki have always been ostracized by others. Sometimes that fear is reasonable, and other times... less so."

 _Sarutobi watched from his crystal ball as Naruto sat on his swing alone._

"But the fact is, people will always fear what they do not understand," Sarutobi said, "All they know is that there is a monster hiding inside that little boy, and as long as he's alive, they will always be in danger."

Iruka bristled, "Naruto's not a monster! He's just a boy!"

Sarutobi looked at him, and smiled, "It would be so much easier if everyone was like you, Iruka-san. I've done my best to explain it to them, but people refuse to listen. They think I'm just putting Konoha in danger by allowing Naruto to live, and that by bullying an innocent child, they're the heroes."

"Well, why don't you get rid of them then?"

Sarutobi raised an eyebrow.

"I don't mean kill them, of course," Iruka said, "I mean, throw them in prison or something"

Sarutobi chuckled, but there was no mirth in his eyes, "That would just prove them right. If they can convince themselves that a harmless twelve-year old had the power to destroy all of them, what do you think will happen when I start throwing people in jail?"

It started to dawn on Iruka, "They'll think you're on the fox's side."

"Exactly," Sarutobi said, "And then they'd look for a new leader, someone more willing to take care of Naruto... _permanently_ ," Sarutobi took off his hat, and sighed, "The position of Hokage comes with many burdens, and one of them is having to make sacrifices for the greater good."

Iruka frowned, "It's not right. Naruto hasn't done anything"

"Do you think I enjoy seeing how the people treat him? The glares, the insults, and the threats made against him?" Sarutobi said, "No, I don't, but I tolerate them because they are the lesser of two evils"

Iruka didn't respond.

"If I protect Naruto, I am condemned, and if I stay silent then I'm damned," Sarutobi put his hand on Iruka's shoulder, "Get some rest, Iruka-san," Sarutobi said, "It's a school day tomorrow after all."

Iruka nodded, and walked out of the room with more questions than he'd entered with. Sarutobi paced back to his position and stared at the window, but he wasn't looking at the sky anymore.

He was looking at himself. The lines on his face seemed deeper than they used to be, and every passing day it seemed harder and harder for him to move around. He'd always planned to tell Naruto when he was old enough to handle it, and perhaps that time had come.

He'd soften the blow for Naruto first. Make him happy before... he found out. What would Naruto want though? Knowing the child, he'd probably ask for new clothes for the children, or more toys for them to play with.

The Hokage smiled at that. At least, he'd managed to do raise Naruto right. It did make it harder to give him something he would like though.

Sarutobi eyed the mission files for tomorrow, and the corner of his mouth stretched outward into a small grin.

Yes, a new C-rank mission would definitely make Naruto happy.

* * *

Naruto was definitely _not_ happy. He'd been excited at first about the C-rank... until Tazuna walked in.

Naruto wrinkled his nose as he walked beside their client. The man reeked of booze, and his cheeks were tinged a rosy red. He certainly wasn't a stranger to alcohol.

"You guys better protect me," he said, before taking another swig from his bottle, "I'm a super important bridge builder. You can't let anyone harm a single hair on my head."

Oh, Naruto wouldn't harm a single hair on his head. He couldn't guarantee the rest of him though. His face seemed especially inviting right now.

He took a deep breath, and tried to control his temper. He was a professional now, not some brat who'd go around punching people to fix his problems.

"Hey you, shorty!" The man said, "How about you stop mumbling, and focus!"

... He was a professional now after all, and the professional shinobi's way of murder would be poison. Slip a couple plants into his bottle, and no one would ever be the wiser. It was almost scary how easily he could plan out the murder of a man he'd just met, but he supposed that in a world of shinobi, that would be a good thing.

Naruto looked around him, noticing how tall the trees were around these parts of the woods. This would probably be the farthest he'd ever been from the village. It was still mostly just trees, rocks, and dirt, but it was still something to remember. They had been walking for just a few minutes when Naruto noticed something strange.

There was a puddle right on the side of the road. Naruto frowned, and covered his eyes as he looked up at the sky. Not a single cloud in sight.

That was weird. It hadn't rained in weeks. If it had then he wouldn't have been able to dry the clothes yesterday. Something about it was bugging Naruto, he just wasn't sure what.

And then the ninjas jumped out, splattering them with water. Naruto managed to wipe it off just in time to see them wrap their chains around Kakashi-sensei, and slice him into pieces.

Naruto was almost glad once it happened because Tazuna finally shut up, he added almost because Kakashi-sensei got killed, so there was that. Of course, Naruto knew that he didn't _really_ get killed. He'd almost be offended if it had happened that easily when even he failed to do it.

No, their lazy-ass sensei was probably just hiding somewhere until they took care of it, but until then- Naruto dropped the luggage down, and ducked just in time to avoid the metal chain.

Naruto felt something swoosh above him, and looked up to see their chain pinned to a tree. Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"You couldn't have done that before they tried to kill me?"

Sasuke shrugged, landing on their outstretched arms, "I knew you could handle it."

Sasuke kicked them both in the face, and they were both sent stumbling back before he heard the chain snap off their arms. One of them headed for Tazuna while the other headed for him.

Naruto did not like the look of that hand. He turned to the side making sure not to make contact with the metallic gauntlet before snapping the enemy's head back with a well-placed turning kick. Naruto pounced on him once he fell to the ground, and punched any uncovered area with his bare fists. He only stopped when his knuckles started bleeding, but by then the man's face was a mess of blue and black splotches, blood streaming down his nose.

Kakashi-sensei appeared behind him, the other ninja tucked under his arm, "That was a bit much, don't you think?"

Naruto shot him a mean look, "That depends. Don't you think letting your students fend for themselves against actual ninja was a bit much?"

Kakashi gave him one of those irritating eye-smiles, and ruffled his hair, "Well, you survived, didn't you?"

Naruto shot a string of curse words out of his mouth so vile that it made even Tazuna blush.

Kakashi tied the two down to a nearby tree, and pulled at the rope hard, causing the two ninja to wince.

"How did you know?" One of them spat out through broken teeth.

Kakashi folded his arms, "A puddle on the road when it hasn't rained for weeks... that was really the best plan you idiots could come up with?

They had the decency to stay quiet.

"Now, Tazuna-san" Kakashi said, turning his eye on their client, "Would you like to tell me why trained ninja from the Mist want to kill you?"

Tazuna looked down at the ground, the cocky smirk had slipped right off his face, "I... was going to tell you eventually, but I suppose now is as good time as any," He said, sighing, "Have any of you ever heard of Gatou?"

"The shipping guy?" Naruto said, "What does he have to do with this?"

"Everything, actually," Tazuna said, "Ever since he set his sights on the Land of Waves, life has been terrible. He's taken over our shipping industry, threatened people into submission, and anyone who's ever tried to stand up to him has been killed," Tazuna said, "The only hope now is the bridge, and if I'm killed before it's done then nothing's gonna stop Gatou."

"What do you want us to do about it then?" Naruto said, "This is at the very least a B-rank mission, maybe even an A-rank depending on who he hires to kill you next."

"You think I don't know that?" Tazuna yelled, "All of our money is going to the bridge, and a C-rank was all I could afford."

"Well, team," Kakashi said, looking at all of them, "What's it going to be?"

It didn't even take Naruto a second to decide, "We can't take this mission."

"Naruto!" Sakura said, "How can you just say that after what he said?"

"We're ninja, Sakura, not saints," Naruto said, "If we do a mission for every sob story that came along then Konoha would crumble to the ground. I'm not saying the system is perfect, but it works," Naruto pointed at Tazuna, "If he gets a free mission then so does everyone else, and before you know it, Konoha would become what the Land of Waves is now."

"These are lives, Naruto!" Sakura scowled, "I thought you'd learned that already."

Naruto didn't say anything else

Kakashi looked at the last member of his team, "What about you, Sasuke?"

Sasuke closed his eyes, "I'm with Naruto on this one. We're risking our lives for a C-Rank, it just isn't worth it."

"No, please, you have to help me!" Tazuna's voice was cracking,

Naruto ran a hand through his hair, "Look, it's not like I don't get it, okay? But it's not our problem. Go tell your police or something."

"I've tried!" Tazuna said, "All of them are under Gatou's thumb too!"

"Think about what you're asking us here," Naruto said, "You think we don't have families waiting at home for us? Things that we care about? Our own lives to worry about? You expect us to just drop everything, and help you at the risk of our lives just because you said so?"

"I'll- I"ll pay you more once we get there!" Tazuna said, "I'll sell everything I have if I have to, but please, at least gaurd me until I get back to my village. I have a daughter and grandson to take care of."

Naruto stayed silent for a long time, lips pressed into a thin line, "Just until your village?"

The look of joy on Tazuna's face was almost heartbreaking, "Yes! I'll give you all the money I have when we get there."

Naruto knew what the sensible thing to do was. He didn't even know these people, why should he care so much? He had his own problems to take care of, and children to feed. If he took the mission, he was risking all of them too... But so was Tazuna.

"Dammit, fine," Naruto scowled, "I'll do it."

If you've ever wondered what it felt like to be tackled in a bear hug by an old man twice your size who smelled like he'd just swimmed through a vat of beer then Naruto could tell you.

It did not feel nice.

* * *

 **Author's note: Wassup? It's me again. I actually only found out now how my version of Naruto would react in this situation. Think about it, in the manga, Naruto's an orphan with no friends, so he'd live for the opportunity to help someone else, but when you have your own problems to take care of things get a little harder.**

 **And the whole Hokage and Iruka meeting thing was a little hard to write out. I wanted to make the conversation natural, but at the same time I wanted it to convey all the reasons why I thought that the third did the best he could under the situation. There are just so many bashing fics out there that crap on the Sandaime, and the civilians of Konoha, but have you ever thought about it from their side?**

 **For the civilians, Naruto is a walking time bomb. That doesn't justify their behaviour, but I've always believed that the best villains were those who thought that their way was right. Some of you probably noticed the little Les Mix reference I put in, but I just couldn't help myself! It fit in so perfectly!**

 **So anyways, question time!**

 **What are the five achievements you're most proud of?(Things like being nice can't count. It has to be quantifiable here. If you want to find out why go read 6 harsh truths that will make you a better person by David Wong on Cracked. It's brilliant)**


	6. Revenge is a dish best not served

**AN: I'm back, guys! Let's get this party started.**

 **Diamond in the Rough Chapter 6:**

The police station in the Land of Waves was one of the better buildings in the village, but even that wasn't saying much. They had just had it painted a week ago, Gatou himself had payed for it as a show of his appreciation for the local law enforcement.

Of course, no one was fooled by that. It was just a straight up bribe. The police let Gatou's goons pass, and in return, he wouldn't do anything against them. Some of the higher-ups even got presents like new gold watches, or a fancy new TV for their kids. Of course, Masayoshi was just another grunt, so he didn't get anything too fancy, but as long as he looked the other way, they wouldn't bother him.

Masayoshi eyed a long-haired man walking past him with a sword swinging from his hip. The man walked up to a fruit stand, took an apple, and just kept on walking. The old lady running the stand saw this, but she kept her head down and stayed silent.

That was the unspoken rule around the Land of Waves. You don't mess with any of Gatou's guys. She looked at him, eyes wide and pleading. It tore his heart to shreds.

Masayoshi clenched his fists, and kept on walking. The police station was just a few blocks away, and once he got there, he could just focus on his paperwork for the rest of the-

Masayoshi stopped in front of the police station, and stared.

 _Gatou's bitches_

 _Motherfuckers_

 _Scum_

 _Cocksuckers_

He heard someone walk up beside him, and sigh.

"They really got us this time, huh?" the blond-haired man pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. "You want one?" he asked, tilting the carton to him.

"No thanks." Masayoshi shook his head. "I don't smoke."

Kanzaki shrugged as he stuck it between his teeth. "Your loss."

He pushed the door open, and didn't give the writings a second glance. Kanzaki had become an expert at looking the other way.

Masayoshi, however; had not. He turned around, and saw the people behind him smirking, even the young children. He wanted to yell at them, and find out who'd write such terrible lies about the police force.

That's what he wanted to do anyway. Too bad, they were all true.

He sighed, closing his eyes as he pushed the door o-

"Ah!" he heard a feminine voice shriek as papers and pencils clattered to the floor.

"Geez, Yoshi," Amaya said, rubbing her backside. "Be more careful next time, will you?"

"I-I'm so sorry!" Masayoshi said, bowing. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's fine." Amaya fixed her uniform. "Just make sure, it doesn't happen again."

She walked outside, hips swaying like they usually did when she walked. He felt someone drape an arm over his shoulder.

"Smooth moves, genius."

Masayoshi's face reddened. "Shut up, Kanzaki."

"No, seriously, man," Kanzaki said, "I think if you keep this up, you'll have her right after every other man on the planet dies"

"You're a dick, you know that?"

Kanzaki snorted. "At least, I have one"

Masayoshi glared at him. "What do you want?"

Kanzaki clutched his chest with a mock hurt expression on his face. "Can't a friend just hang out with another friend without having his motives questioned?"

Masayoshi raised an eyebrow.

Kanzaki's face split into a grin, chuckling. "Fine, fine, captain ordered you to go check out a disturbance by the bridge. Some boat tried to sneak in. They think Tazuna might've come back"

"What?" Masayoshi said. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Well, if you want you can come with me to go ask for 'donations' from people." Kanzaki blew smoke into his face. "What's it gonna be?"

Masayoshi scowled, "Fine"

* * *

Stupid Kanzaki. Masayoshi grumbled to himself, hands shoved inside his pockets. He wanted to punch that fucker right in the face. Maybe then the girls wouldn't be fawning over him all the time. Stupid Kanzaki, and his shiny gold hair, and his perfect white teeth, and his perfectly toned abs, and-

Masayoshi looked around. Why was there so much mist all of a sudden?

He could hear the sound of metal clashing from the forest clearing right up ahead. As he got nearer, the mist got thicker and thicker until Masayoshi could barely see in front of him.

Where was this mist coming from?

The mist cleared up a bit, and he saw a few figures out in the distance. There seemed to be around three kids, and one adult standing, but every now and then these two shadows would flit into existence for just a moment before disappearing. Every time they collided, he could hear metal clashing.

Masayoshi hid behind a bush, and squinted his eyes. What was going on?

He could see a man with spiky silver hair holding a knife in one of his hands, standing and looking around before he-

Masayoshi's hands flew to his mouth.

Did- Did that guy just get cut in half!? Another man appeared from seemingly out of nowhere, holding a giant sword with a hole at the end in one hand, but the other guy had disappeared. There was just water left where he'd been standing before.

A shadow seemed to blur right behind giant-sword guy, and suddenly silver-hair guy was holding a knife to his throat.

"It's over," Silver-hair guy said.

Masayoshi's eyes widened. That-That was so awesome! They were all like _whoosh_ and then the other guy went _zoom,_ and now he was just like _It's over._ It was just like those movies he'd used to watch as a kid!

Then giant-sword guy started to chuckle.

 _Uh oh,_ Masayoshi thought to himself. That wasn't a good sign.

"Hehehe, it's over?" giant-sword guy said, but then another blur appeared right behind silver-hair guy. It materialized into-

Masayoshi gasped.

-Giant-sword guy!

"I'm not that easy, Kakashi." Giant-sword guy swung his giant sword, but-

Wait. Masayoshi frowned. Kakashi? Where had he heard that name before? He could feel his brain itching as he watched the two fight.

 _Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi. That name sounds so familiar,_ Masayoshi thought to himself. That's when it dawned on him.

Masayoshi's jaw dropped to the ground. The Copy Nin Kakashi! Here! In the flesh!?

Masayoshi felt like he was about to faint. Ever since he was a child, Masayoshi had dreamed of becoming a ninja. He'd hear stories of them going on adventures, saving princesses, and just being badass in general. Of course, he'd grown up an orphan in the Land of Waves, so he'd never been able to pursue that dream. He'd given it up quietly, and joined the police force instead, but to see one here? Now?

This must be a sign.

The man with a giant-sword threw Kakashi into the lake before he did that disappear-appear thing again. Damn, that was cool. He did a few handsigns before a cage made of water sprang out of the lake, trapping Kakashi.

Masayoshi watched the battle, transfixed.

It had seemed like things were hopeless for Kakashi until one of the kids made these bunch of clones, and started swamping giant-sword guy. It didn't last long though, with just a few swings almost all of them were gone.

One of the blondes survived though, and threw something at his teammate. The other boy caught it, and held in his hands what seemed to be a giant shuriken. He hurled it at giant-sword guy who caught it like it was nothing, but then this second giant shuriken came out of nowhere, and was about to slice right through him when he jumped over it.

Masayoshi's heart was pounding from excitement. The shuriken disappeared in a puff of smoke, and suddenly the kid with the orange jumpsuit was there, throwing a kunai knife at giant-sword guy.

Giant-sword guy dropped the technique to dodge it, and Kakashi was set free. What followed next was a battle of epic proportions. Kakashi would copy giant sword-guy's every move, and then-

Holy shit! Was that a dragon!?

Kakashi had just taken the upper-hand, and was about to take the final blow when-

* * *

Naruto watched as senbon needles pierced Zabuza's neck. Naruto frowned.

"Who did that?"

"Me."

Naruto looked at the newcomer, perched up on a tree. He wore a mask, and his long brown hair went all the way to his shoulders.

"I've been trying to hunt Zabuza down for weeks," the ninja said. "I'm a hunter-nin from the mist, and I'm here to retrieve Zabuza's body."

He jumped down from the tree branch, and slung the body over his shoulder. "Thank you for your assistance"

He was about to leave, but Naruto raised a hand to stop him.

"Wait," Naruto said.

The hunter-nin tilted his head. "Yes?"

Naruto looked at Zabuza's dead body. They'd worked too hard to just let him go now. "We want three-fourths of the bounty on him"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Naruto folded his arms. "If you think you can just run away with the money while my team did all the work then you've got another thing coming!" Naruto said. "Isn't that right, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi-sensei, of course, chose that exact time to faint, crashing to the ground with a loud _thump_

"... When he wakes up, you're gonna be in so much trouble"

"I see," the hunter-nin said before turning around to leave, "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my-"

"Wait!"

Naruto heard a voice coming from behind them. A young man with messy black hair was trying to step over the bushes.

"I saw the whole thing! I- Gah!" he screamed before falling to the ground, face first.

The hunter-nin pointed at the man, "Is he one of yours?"

Naruto shuddered, "I really hope not"

The man jogged over, panting. "I-I saw the whole thing! The law states that those who help in the capture of a wanted ninja are entitled to a share of the reward."

"And who are you?" the hunter-nin asked.

The man was doubled over, wheezing. "I-I'm Masayoshi. A policeman"

Naruto saw Tazuna's face sour.

"So uh, Masayoshi, right?" Naruto said.

"Y-yes, sir!"

Huh. Naruto had never been called sir before... It felt kind of nice.

"You said I was entitled to a share of the reward, correct?"

Sasuke coughed.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Fine, _we're_ entitled to a share of the reward, correct?"

"Th-That is correct, sir!" the man stood up straight, arching his back like one would do for a commanding officer. Naruto was enjoying this. If only the rest of the kids were this easy.

"You hear that?" Naruto smirked at the hunter-nin."We're _entitled_ to four-fifths of the reward!"

"Didn't you say three-fourths before?"

"Shut up, Sasuke!"

The hunter-nin nodded. "I under- What's that!?" He pointed behind them.

Naruto just stared. "Did you really think that that would work? We're not stu-"

"What is it!?" Masayoshi screamed. "I can't see anything!"

The hunter-nin stared at him.

"... He's not part of the team, so he doesn't count"

"Well then," the hunter-nin said, "I guess I'll-"

He suddenly did a handsign.

"Oh no, you didn't!" Naruto snarled, lunging at the masked man, but it was too late. He'd disappeared into mist. Naruto punched the ground, cracking it, "Fucking dammit! If I ever find you again, I swear I'll-"

* * *

"Wow," Sakura said. "I thought I knew all of the bad words, but I haven't even heard of half of those before." Sakura stared at her teammate. "Where did you learn all of that?"

Naruto shrugged. "I sort of just picked it up, I guess"

"But still, don't you think shoving... _that_ up his ass is a bit excessive?"

Naruto growled. "No one messes with my money, and speaking of money... " Naruto glared at Tazuna. "Where's ours? We had to fight off a fucking jounin for you!"

"There's more to the world than money, kid."

"I will do to your face what I did to the ground if you don't pay us right."

Tazuna sighed. "Fine, I'll give it to you when we get to my house"

"Um, guys"

"You better," Naruto said.

"Guys?"

"Yeah, yeah," Tazuna said, "Stop breathing down my neck."

"Guys? Hello?"

"I swear, if you don't give us at least a million for that I'm-"

"Guys!"

Everyone turned to look at Masayoshi.

"I'm glad you guys let me tag along, but-" Masayoshi's knees were about to buckle from carrying Kakashi for so long. "-can one of you help me with carrying him!?"

Masayoshi looked at Tazuna.

"What are you looking at me for? I'm an old man."

He looked at Naruto.

"You really expect a kid to carry a grown man for you? That's just low"

He looked at Sasuke.

"Just deal with it."

He looked at Sakura with the widest, wettest, and most pathetic eyes he could muster.

Sakura tried to resist, but in the end her heart won out.

Sakura sighed, taking hold of Kakashi's lower body. "I'll carry the legs, you carry the body"

The look of joy on Masayoshi's face was almost heart-breaking.

* * *

"We're home!" Tazuna called out as he walked inside his house. Masayoshi looked around as he carried Kakashi's upper body on his back. Tazuna's house was surprisingly spacious for someone who lived in the Land of Waves. Usually, 'houses' consisted of little more than planks of wood and sheet metal, and those were the lucky ones!

Masayoshi himself was barely making ends meet to afford his apartment.

"Welcome home, Dad!"

Masayoshi looked up, and immediately his jaw dropped. There, standing in front of him, was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen. She had skin as white as snow, hair as silky as... well, silk, and her body was just-

Tazuna poked him in the eye, "That's my daughter you're gawking at, bud, so don't get any ideas"

"Dad!" the beautiful creature from heaven protested. "I'm not a teenager anymore."

Tazuna just snorted. "I'm still older than you, and besides-" Tazuna glared at him. "-he's a _police_ officer."

Tsunami took a step back when she heard that. She stared at him for a moment before bowing, "W-Welcome to our humble abode, sir."

Masayoshi's face reddened. "O-Oh no, you don't have to do that," Masayoshi said. "You can just treat me like anyone else"

The girl blinked. "Oh, well, in that case." she pointed at his feet, "Can you take your shoes off? I don't want mud on my floor."

"O-Of course!" Masayoshi scrambled to take off his shoes.

"Wait, Masayoshi! Kakashi's gonna-" Sakura screamed.

 _Thud_

"-... Fall"

* * *

Kakashi blinked slowly, getting his eyes used to the light.

"Sensei!" Sakura said. "You're awake! You almost missed dinner."

"Dinner?" Kakashi said. "How long was I out?"

"Just a few hours." Sakura looked slightly red in the face.

"A few hours, huh?" The back of Kakashi's head was throbbing. "Why does my head hurt? I'm pretty sure Zabuza didn't hit me there."

Sakura looked away. "I don't know."

Kakashi tried to wriggle his way out of the blanket. It still hurt too much to make any big movements, but with a good night's rest he should be able to walk by tomorrow with just a crutch for support.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Th-They're in the dining room eating." Sakura seemed to have trouble breathing.

Kakashi looked at her with concern. "Are you alright, Sakura? You didn't get injured, did you?"

Sakura covered her mouth, and started coughing, "O-Oh yeah, I'm f-fine."

Kakashi patted her on the back, "Are you sure? I could call for a doctor if you want."

"N-No." Sakura turned away, shoulders shaking. "J-Just _ha_ stay here I-I'll get your dinner for you."

Kakashi frowned. Something was definitely wrong. He was about to ask someone to call a doctor when a little boy entered the room, staring at him.

"Mommy!" the little boy said. "Why does this man have a dick on his face?"

Sakura collapsed to the floor in a fit of laughter.

Kakashi slowly got up, using a chair for support while Sakura continued to laugh. He looked at himself in the mirror, and saw a blue penis drawn right across his face. On the table was an uncapped blue marker. Kakashi turned it to it's side to read,

 _Permanent_

" _Naruto!"_ Kakashi growled.

* * *

Masayoshi gulped. "Y-You're sure he won't be mad at me?"

"Nonsense," Naruto scoffed. "Kakashi-sensei is one of the most kind, loving, and forgiving people that I-"

 _"Naruto!"_

"It was his idea!"

"What!?"

Kakashi walked towards him slowly, but menacingly, using a chair as support. It was like there was steam coming out of his lungs, and lasers shooting from his eyes.

"So?" Kakashi said. "You think it's funny to draw penises on people's faces while they're asleep, huh?"

Masayoshi shook his head frantically, "N-No! They made me do it! I swear!"

Masayoshi was backed into a corner as Kakashi stalked towards him with a blue marker in hand.

"No! No! Nooooo-"

* * *

Kanzaki heard the door open the next day, "Yoshi, what's- hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Masayoshi blushed, making the blue marker's colour stand out even more. "It's not funny!"

"E-Everyone look!" Kanzaki yelled. "Y-Yoshi's got dicks on his face"

Masayoshi tried to maintain a neutral expression. His coworkers were professionals after all, they wouldn't laugh at such juvenile behaviour like Kanzaki would. No, they would see it as an unfortunate circumstance that happened in the line of duty.

"I take back what I said, Yoshi! You have more balls than anyone else!"

"Hey, Yoshi! Where did you _cum_ from? _"_

"Wear some body armour, Yoshi! You could use the protection!"

"Seriously, Amaya?" Masayoshi said. "You too?"

Amaya shrugged. "What? A girl's gotta have her fun."

Masayoshi felt like he was about to burn up, and explode into a million pieces when he heard someone shout.

"What is going on here!?" the captain yelled, spittle flying from his lips. Instantly everything became silent. "I thought this was a police station! Not a comedy club!"

Kanzaki wobbled to his knees, and saluted. "Good morning, sir!"

"What is going on here, detective?"

Kanzaki chuckled. "Th-There are dicks on Yoshi's face, sir!"

Masayoshi smiled. Finally, surely the captain wouldn't fall for such immature humour. He was a man of class.

"Masayoshi!" the captain shouted.

"I can explain, sir!"

"No need, detective Masayoshi," the captain said. "Clearly, we have a serious offence on our hands."

Masayoshi looked down at his feet.

"Someone drew a dick on Yoshi's face without letting me get my camera first!"

The laughter soon started once again at full force. Masayoshi groaned.

"Stand tall, detective!" the captain ordered. "We need to get your pictures taken as soon as possible."

Masayoshi did as he was told.

"Smile!"

* * *

 **AN: I don't know why, but I kind of imagined Masayoshi's police force to be like Brooklyn nine-nine. If you can guess which character I based off of is which, I'll give you a little shout-out in the next chapter.**

 **Question time: If you could get any kind of super power, what would it be?**


End file.
